6 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Own Sex Life

1. You’re lying about your experience in order to stroke your partner’s ego. You should be complimenting you partner — but only when those compliments are legitimate. If you lie about how much you enjoyed a certain position or move or toy, then they’re going to repeat their performance the next time you have sex. You are accidentally going to encourage them to keep doing things that you cannot stand. You don’t have to come right out and tell them how much you hated their work, but the last thing you should do is lie.

2. You’re faking your orgasms. If your partner believes they’ve gotten you off then they aren’t going to have any reason to change their techniques in the future. They are going to assume what they’ve been doing has been working. They’re going to assume you are satisfied. Even though you might feel tempted to fake your orgasm in order to raise their confidence or end sex quickly, it’s going to backfire in the long-run. It’s going to get them confused about what you actually like in the bedroom.

3. You’re focusing on whether your partner finishes and are completely ignoring your own orgasms. It’s great that you care about your partner’s experience. You should want them to have a good time. You should be putting effort into making them happy. But they should be doing the same. Your hard work should be reciprocated. You have to remember, sex is about your pleasure, too. You shouldn’t be so concerned with whether they’re having a good time that you forget to enjoy yourself. You should both be giving and both be receiving in some way.

4. You’re too shy to share your ideas with your partner. There are some kinks you’d like to explore, but you’ve never actually mentioned them to your partner. You’ve kept them a secret because you’re worried about getting judged, being rejected, or insulting them somehow. However, if you’re comfortable having sex with someone, then you should be comfortable with the topic of sex. You should let them know what’s been on your mind because it’s impossible for them to guess. You have to be more transparent about your needs if you want them to get met.

5. You don’t even consider your partner’s sex ideas. You should never feel pressured to do something your partner mentions. You should never allow them to guilt trip you into giving them what they want. However, you shouldn’t automatically discount their ideas without taking them into consideration, either. You might end up loving a new activity, toy, or position. You don’t have to try anything new, but you should at least open yourself up to the possibility.

6. You never initiate sex yourself. You always wait for your partner to make a move instead of making one yourself — but you don’t have to have sex on their schedule. When you’re in the mood, you shouldn’t hesitate to approach your partner. Sometimes, it’s sexier to do the work yourself. It can make you feel more in control.