So you meet someone and they’re amazing—you connect instantly, you can’t stop smiling, you can’t stop giggling—and no, it’s not because you’ve had 7 tequila shots. It’s because this person sparks something in you that you forgot was there. They make you feel alive, and suddenly, all the lyrics to every stupid love song start to make sense.

There are SO many signs that you two were meant to be together, from your horoscope that said you might meet someone special in the next 20 years, to the fact that your menstrual cycle is totally in sync with your recently married BFF’s. ALL THE SIGNS ARE THERE.

And then bam! Almost every time, something happens outside your control to shatter your dreams about this perfect person. Whether it’s that things are moving too fast or that they started a new job or that they were just sentenced to life in prison for murder, whatever it may be, THE TIMING IS JUST WRONG.

Or so you tell yourself.

You call your friends and they give you the same old shitty advice: “He’s just not ready for everything you have to offer”…“He’s not calling because he doesn’t want you to know how obsessed he is with you”…“It’s only been 12 years since he got out of that bad relationship, he still needs time to heal”… UGH ENOUGH WITH THE LIES.

What your friends are actually too afraid to tell you is that, the person you can’t stop thinking about is just NOT THAT INTO YOU.

When someone passes you up because the timing is wrong, what they’re really saying is, “Hey, I think you’re great and I like you… but just not enough to date you. I would love it if you could hang around while I keep my options open, just in case I can’t find anything better.”

The truth is: When you meet the right person at the wrong time, they’re actually just the wrong person. When the right person will come into your life, it will always be the right time because the right people are timeless.

Awhile back, I met a boy and things immediately felt right. We had an instant connection, I adored him, and I let my guard down, sharing things I hadn’t shared with anyone else before. It felt like I had known him my whole life even though we had just met. The only explanation I had for this was that he was obviously my soulmate (a phenomenon I never believed in until I met him).

And then bam! He put the brakes on, telling me that the timing wasn’t right since he was starting a new job that would be super time-consuming. He suggested that we slow it down and work on our friendship (which also conveniently gave him the space he needed to bang a bunch of girls).

At first, I thought to myself, If only we’d met a year from now…Just my luck… I meet the perfect guy (mind you, I barley knew him) and the timing is all wrong. It didn’t even occur to me that he JUST WASN’T THAT INTO ME.

Fast forward a few months after Mr. Soulmate friend zoned me while I felt like I was ready for something serious, a man I’ll call Prince Charming swooped into my life. He was perfect and everything was going smoothly….

And then bam! Two weeks in, I suddenly felt like I wasn’t ready—that things were getting way too serious way too fast (mind you, we hadn’t even kissed), and omg why was he texting me ALL the time, didn’t he know I was busy hanging out with my cat?!

I told him we should slow down, work on our friendship, and that I needed some time to work on myself before I could focus on anyone else (sounds familiar eh).

That’s when it finally dawned on me: It wasn’t about timing, it was just that I wasn’t that into Prince Charming and that I never would be for whatever reason. The way I felt about Prince Charming was the same way Mr. Soulmate had felt about me.

The saddest part about meeting someone you believe will be in your future is realizing that they don’t see you in their future. It’s much easier to accept the bad timing excuse than it is to admit that just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean they have to love you back.

How sad is it to chase someone who doesn’t see how wonderful you are—someone who takes your beautiful smile for granted, who doesn’t adore your flaws, who doesn’t hold you and love you the way you deserve to be loved?

Love should never be so painful that you find yourself lying awake at night wondering if you’re enough, feeling too scared to say how you really feel, wanting to hear their voice but being afraid to call because you don’t want to come off needy, or crying yourself to sleep wondering why he hasn’t called and if he’s out with someone else.

With the right person, you’ll never have to question their love, because you’ll just know. You’ll know that no matter what you thought you wanted before, this is better. Everything is better since they came along.

Because the truth is, my dear, that there is no such thing as wrong timing; you’re just meeting all the wrong people. 

This story originally appeared on Daddy Issues LA.