RomanceDating

Just Because You Had A Great Conversation Doesn’t Mean You Had A Connection

You had a great conversation, not necessarily a connection. I’ve been there. I converse with someone new and it seems that our words are fully engaged in a beautiful courtship. We seem to not only be on the same page but authors of the same book of love! We spend hours on the phone or close down a restaurant with a stimulating conversation that I never want to end.

Then suddenly without warning, she disappears… no text messages, no returned phone calls, just poof! Gone.

I’m left wondering what happened. We had such a great connection! No, we had a great conversation, and that’s all we had. I allowed the ease and flow of the conversation to convince me that I was on the verge of creating a bond with a complete stranger. I allowed myself to fantasize about the possibility of courting her without knowing the real her. I was seduced by the conversation and falsely believed it was a connection.

A connection is built over time. It is a slow and deliberate process. To be connected, two people have to reveal and discover dreams, aspirations, likes, dislikes, flaws, fears, etc. You have to get to know the real person and not the representative we all send on the first few dates.

Words matter. The dating process is already hard enough—we shouldn’t make it harder by carelessly connecting ourselves to people who lack the desire to put forth authentic, sustainable effort. I’m not suggesting we stop bravely putting our hearts out there and trying! No, not at all. I’m insisting that caution should be exercised in every new dating encounter. Don’t attempt to “connect” with every person who happens to be a good conversationalist. Don’t be so easily impressed by a smooth talker; make sure there are comparable actions behind those beautifully articulated words.

Allow each conversation to serve as a building block in forming a real connection down the line. Keep expectations realistic and maintain a bit of logic while your head is in the clouds. Even the most eloquent speaker should require proper vetting before keys to the heart and soul are duplicated and disseminated.

Once time and consistency has facilitated the creation of a real connection, be in love, but don’t be naive. Don’t think for one moment a connection will prevent pain or provide protection from hurtful behavior. Be cautious, not suspicious. Be mindful, not paranoid. Be detailed-oriented, not a trouble seeker. Don’t wait in constant anticipation for the proverbial ball to drop, just be prepared in case it does.

In the end, the one person you should always remain connected with is YOU! Don’t lose yourself in a relationship, and don’t surrender the top spot in your heart, mind, and life. Remember you are looking for someone to compliment you, not complete you. You are already complete and imperfectly perfect! TC mark

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I collect vinyl, write books, and cook better than your mom. Follow Tony on Instagram or read more articles from Tony on Thought Catalog.