Throughout various moments in your life, you’re going to experience loss and pain. Whether it’s the loss of someone in your life or your own self-identity, any type of loss is never easy to deal with. But sometimes these changes in your life are necessary and inevitable. The pain you experience is what makes you change and grow as a person. For better or for worse, that’s the choice you make.

Reflect on these moments. Then let go of the past, simply because it doesn’t belong in your future. Rather, take the lessons with you as you move on with your life. You might be starting all over again, but now you’re more self-aware and equipped to make smarter and better decisions for yourself.

I lost myself trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

I lost myself when I was younger and trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I struggled with making long-term decisions which would greatly impact my life five to 10 years down the road. The possibilities were endless, but the choices felt permanent. The stakes were high, because your twenties are known as the prime time to live it up and explore as much as you can.

Whatever decision you make, whether it’s the people you surround yourself with or the career you decide to commit to, will undoubtedly determine your future. While this is true, I learned overtime that no decision is the wrong one. You can only do the best you can with what you know and trust that it is what you want at the time. If you make a mistake and fail, that’s okay—live and learn. If you decide to change course over time, that’s okay too. You’ve changed.

I lost myself when I took a leap of faith to pursue my dreams.

When I left everything behind to start a new life overseas, it was difficult to adapt to new everyday challenges. Through it all, I built momentum, confidence, and resilience. Then I returned home and settled back into a routine lifestyle and lost myself again while experiencing an identity crisis. It was the most painful, bittersweet farewell, as I felt like I lost a huge part of myself, the best version of me.

Essentially, I had to start over and build a new identity that centered around my new life, which was entirely different to the one I had abroad. Again, I’ve grown and I’ve changed. And I can only set sights to the future and work on becoming an even better version of myself.

I lost myself when I put myself out there for the first time.

I lost myself when I landed in this new and incredibly confusing territory. I lost myself through self-doubt and overthinking, when I was unable to truly trust my own feelings. I lost myself when I lost you, because you were my closest companion for a period of time. I lost myself as I struggled with myself, hurting you in the process.

Heartbreak is the biggest teacher, teaching you things you didn’t know about yourself and what you want in a partner and a relationship. And then, I reinvented myself and put myself out there again, encountering different people and experiencing disappointment time and time again. On the bright side, I learn something new every time.

It’s when you lose a sense of self, a part of your identity, that you need to step back and check in with yourself in order to change your course of action. The greatest change you need to make is your change in mentality. In order to rebuild yourself into the person you want to become, you need to let go of what’s holding you back. And the only person holding you back is yourself.

So, let go of striving for perfection, because it doesn’t exist.

Let go of guilt, shame, and self-blame.

Let go of the emotions that cloud your judgement.

Let go of the fear that’s holding you back.

Let go of the negative self-talk and disheartening stories you tell yourself.

Let go of your own inner critic when it shows up and lies that “you’re not good enough” or “you can’t do it.”

Let go of jobs and people that aren’t a good fit. Trust your gut and don’t look back.

Let go of anything that no longer serves you or make you happy. Peace of mind is what’s important.

And then, let go of the need to control and certainty, because life has a funny way working itself out in the end, even when nothing makes sense right now.