It’s been awhile since that fateful night but I still remember everything like it was yesterday. If I have to be completely honest I still think about you every now and then. Come to think about it I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget you. I can still remember how I used to think that you could be it and we could probably make it and change everything but I guess I was wrong because every good memory gets overshadowed by that night when you broke me into pieces like a spectacle for everyone to witness.
I can still feel the sting of the words uttered and I still avoid going back to that bar. For a long time I couldn’t admit to myself that there was nothing I could do to change you unless you let me to. I’ve lost count of the times I turned a blind eye every time a red flag appears. And no matter how much I still love you I can never get over the fact that you chose someone else over me and that wasn’t the worst thing about it. You made sure everyone knew.
You made me feel like I wasn’t worth it, like you choosing her over me was my fault because you told me that you and I weren’t going the same direction. I felt so inept; like no one was capable of loving me the way I love people.
I fell down the rabbit hole. I spent so much time picking on myself, thinking about the things that were wrong with me. I kept trying to understand why I wasn’t good enough. For a while I clung to every nod of approval from you to make it through nights where I felt like I should just disappear.
I still remember all the empty promises you made. I can still recall how I tried to compare myself to those other girls you paid attention to while I ignored the other guys who treated me better because I knew that you were enough.
My friends tried to get through to me. Everyone in my life told me not to trust you. I ignored them most of the time but one night I woke up and I wrote you a letter goodbye, telling myself that this would be the end of it. And for 5 days I did hold you off, I was better. But you decided you couldn’t let me go and told me you wanted me back and that you were in love with me. I believed you. Oh what a fool I was.
That night at Rue you asked me to get mad at you. You told me to hurt you too, but I realized that I would just waste both of our time. Finally I have come into terms with the fact that you will never acknowledge how poorly you treated me. I know now that I was not the girl you deemed worth changing for.
Before this letter ends, I want to thank you for making me a better person than I was. Thank you for making me accept that no matter how imperfect I am I shouldn’t let people treated me like a garbage can where they can throw all the dirt and baggage they have and leave me once they do.
Because of you I know that I don’t deserve someone better than you but someone who will treat me better than you did.
I sincerely hope that the games you play don’t catch up on you, because believe it or not I still want you to be happy. But if and when you feel lonely and one day you finally realize that you wasted an opportunity of happiness with a girl whose only fault was to trust you. Don’t call her. Don’t message her. Don’t try to win her back. Because by the time you finally come to your senses, she’s no longer the same girl foolish enough to fall down the rabbit hole twice.