“

“Men are expendable. It’s literally our evolutionary role to stand between the tribe and danger because we’re not the reproductive bottleneck.”

“

Finally, you can ask the actors themselves whether Jack could’ve fit on that damn door.

“

Bills. Need I say more?

“

“It was supposed to be this beautiful cruise and it turned into a nightmare,” a newlywed passenger texted to her father. “Nothing like this was advertised in the brochure.”

“

2. Bella & Edward in Twilight

“

Lamb with mint sauce, champagne and caviar? Pft. No thanks.

“

If you loved The Notebook…you won’t be let down.

“

How cool would it be to own the fly swat Walter White used on Breaking Bad?

“

He’s like a fine jug of Carlo Rossi wine- I loved it at 14, I love it at 29, and it can always be relied on to get the job done.

“

In pre-production, ‘American Pie’ was called ‘Teenage Sex Comedy That Can Be Made For Under $10 Million That Your Reader Will Love But The Executive Will Hate.’