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3. The Breakfast Club

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Do you remember seventh grade health class? That one where you, plucky and pus filled, sat in front of an aging woman who showed you the first horrifying pictures of drug addiction all while smelling of cigarettes?

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1. “Twilight.” The fact that Bella and Edward are the Romeo and Juliet of a generation actively destroys my will to live.

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In pre-production, ‘American Pie’ was called ‘Teenage Sex Comedy That Can Be Made For Under $10 Million That Your Reader Will Love But The Executive Will Hate.’

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4. Sixteen Candles: “That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call ’em something else.”

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Call the campus security line and file a noise complaint as a series of fake people, each with a different accent.

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The Dark Cristal follows Gelfling Ludacris as he tries to return the Cristal shard to its original vintage bottle. The bottle is guarded by the Skanksis — ten evil vulture-like creatures who drain the vitality of hoes in different area codes to remain young.

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I remember wearing suspenders that had silver Michael Jackson gloves attached to them, and blasting Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” even though I was five years old and clueless about its meaning.