SCORPIO: Do you like hot weather? For your sake, I hope you do. Don’t bother bringing a jacket—you won’t need it where you’re going.
CAPRICORN: You kick so much ass, it’s a wonder that there are any asses left.
LEO: You cum quickest if there’s a mirror involved.
To make a Leo guy horny basically all you have to do is compliment him. Tell him how great his penis is.
Pisces: You tend to go for the guys who are scared of your strong feelings. In 2018 wait for the guy who doesn’t shy away when you express yourself and the love you have to offer.
LEO: In the bedroom, you hold the whip. Schoolteacher, cop, prison warden—these are the roles you were naturally born to play. If he winds up with a few scratches and bruises, that’s what the little boy gets for trying to tussle with a lioness.
GEMINI: The most immature thing about you is your flakiness and unreliability. You’re flakier than a freshly baked croissant.
Capricorn: You’ll get your shit together when you stop expecting the worst from people and from life in general.
Scorpio: You’re running out of space in yourself for newer, softer memories. Don’t cast them away for those things that don’t deserve it.
Aquarius: It seems like lately other people have been trying to make decisions for you, and in the remaining months of this year, it’s important not to let them, especially when it comes to love.