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We at Apple HQ wanted to send you guys this little email about an exciting announcement for the newest iPhone update, which is coming soon. Basically — based on the hoards of personal information you’ve given us without a second thought — whenever you update your phone, we’ll be updating your personal life as well.

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If you’ve felt like your phone has been running a little slowly lately, it turns out you aren’t so crazy.

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The letter “I” is officially cancelled.

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Nothing is sacred.

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You will do your best work when you have a sanctuary to do it from.

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Recently, a California court requested Apple hack into an iPhone seized from one of the terrorists in the San Bernardino shooting. The FBI claimed that encrypted documents make it difficult to track terrorists.

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Our cell phones are always with us. We wake up with them, we go to sleep with them, and we might even take them into the shower with us

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You have to check them out now if you love Apple products.

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It’s my greatest motivator. It gives me energy. It challenges me to live today as if I’m dying tomorrow.

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Apple’s ‘Campus 2’ is a spaceship inspired exercise in futuristic design straight from the mind of Steve Jobs.