So, you’ve been dating guy who is amazing and wonderful. You two have been out on a couple of dates (or more). You’re having a great time with him and you think everything is going well except…
You’re just not sure.
You’ve been through this scenario before where it’s all fun, laughs and romance until something fizzles out. Even after a short period of time, it’s like the attraction was just sucked out of your relationship-in-the-making and you aren’t sure why.
Here’s where the anxiety kicks in and potentially gets you into trouble. Your impulse may be to text him every hour on the hour, stalk his Facebook page for comments about you (or someone else) or hunt down his friends to get the scoop on what he thinks about you.
Or, you may be tempted to take even more extreme measures. Who can forget the viral video that was posted and re-posted online of the woman being rescued from a chimney. She allegedly got stuck after trying to get into the home of a man she’d dated a few times after meeting online.
Maybe you wouldn’t go that far to get your guy to text you back, ask you out again or to commit to a relationship with you, but what you might do could surprise the guy in cringe-worthy ways that send him running in the other direction!
Here are some safe bets on keeping him interested … without making you look desperate:
1. Be confident.
It’s not makeup, clothes or the way you walk. What’s really sexy to guys is a woman who has healthy self-esteem. Know how beautiful, smart, successful and attractive you are and let it show. This isn’t being arrogant or narcissistic, it merely expresses your confidence.
2. Keep up your passions and interests.
No matter how long you two have been dating, don’t abandon the activities you do (or used to do) that make you come alive. It’s okay if he’s into different things; you can each share your excitement for what you do and use that to expand too. It’s alluring to be with someone who doesn’t collapse into the relationship.
3. Don’t play games.
The only games you should play with your guy involve a board, a ball or possibly bedroom fun. Don’t use manipulative games to try to get him to open up or commit to you. These will always push him away.
4. Don’t use sex as punishment or reward.
One sort of “game” and mistake many women make is to use sex as either a reward or a punishment. This isn’t healthy for either of you and it won’t keep him interested in anything except for getting away quick.
5. Go for the (pleasant) surprise.
A great way to prolong the passion and spark is to do the unexpected. We’re not talking about the unexpected drama or crazy, by the way. Surprise him with a picnic in your living room or a drive to the countryside for no reason other than to explore a new area. Let your creativity go wild.
6. Stop telling stories.
99% of the tension and conflict that crop up between two people is directly because of untrue stories one person (or both) believes about the other. Recognize it when you’re telling yourself, “This means that …” or “He said that because …” or “He really thinks …”. If you don’t really know whether or not it’s true, stop acting as if it is.
7. Trust wisely.
While coming on too strong can be a big turn-off, so can holding back and putting up walls. If your old emotional wounds are causing you to be suspicious and mistrust your guy, heal them. Give him the benefit of a clear and open mind when you decide whether or not it’s smart to trust him.
8. Keep flirting.
Remember how fun it was to first get his attention with playful comments, looks and touches? You have your own way of flirting so be authentic about this, but DO flirt. It’s sexy and keeps passion alive.
9. Get curious.
Common dating advice might tell you to ask him questions to show your interest in him and what he likes to do. Take it a step further and really get curious. Listen when he speaks (instead of planning out what witty thing you’ll say next) and come up with a question or comment that truly comes from a place of curiosity. Let him know that you want to know more.
10. Fulfill your own needs.
Believe it or not, there is nothing more alluring than a woman (or a man) whose moods, attitudes and sense of self are self-fulfilling. Being in a relationship is just a sweetening of the deal — it’s not meant to define you, confirm you, reassure you, validate you or even to complete you. You are already complete and it’s up to you to realize it and stand confidently in who you are.
That’s what will keep him texting, calling and coming back for more.