10 Signs You Should’ve Already Broken Up
5. Back when you were young and naïve (that is, seven months ago), you thought that dating someone would make you feel less lonely. Now, you’ve realized that this particular relationship just makes you feel lonelier.
1. Seeing your significant other has begun to feel more like a chore than anything else. Once, you were ecstatic to jump into their arms after spending a few busy days apart. Now, it’s just another item you have to cross off your never-ending to-do list. Under “do three weeks’ worth of laundry” and before “buy almond milk for breakfast.”
2. The primary reason you are still dating them is because otherwise you would either have to 1) go out and people-scope for new romantic prospects or 2) watch the latest season of Game of Thrones by yourself. And who would hold your hand when your favorite character dies? Because that’s definitely going to happen…the alternatives just seem too daunting for you to break up (but they really aren’t — quit being a baby).
3. You’ve met someone new, and while you would never consider cheating on your significant other (because infidelity is bad, and no one should ever engage in it), you find yourself becoming unexpectedly excited whenever you hang out with or talk to this person. You haven’t felt these warm, fuzzy feelings since…since you started dating your current significant other.
4. Your friends have started to chime in, commenting that it’s really time to cut the string loose. Even they can see how disinterested you are in the guy or gal who comes over every Friday night to silently watch episodes of Arrested Development with you. You can only respond that you just haven’t gotten around to it.
5. Back when you were young and naïve (that is, seven months ago), you thought that dating someone would make you feel less lonely. Now, you’ve realized that this particular relationship just makes you feel lonelier. AND you have to spend time pretending to like your significant other’s insufferable best friend. You’re going to lose it if Jessica asks you one more time which Instagram filter you like best.
6. You’ve begun to realize that your interests and personalities are so different that they might make the two of you fundamentally incompatible. Like, how are you supposed to love someone forever and always if he questions the sanctity of your undying devotion to Hoodie Allen? Though people say that opposites attract, you’ve started to think that you really just want to end up with someone who is a less obnoxious version of yourself.
7. You have started to sleep on opposite sides of the bed, facing away from one another. And if he tries to drape an arm over you or she tries to nestle her head against your chest, you find yourself slowing inching away during the middle of the night. This is a serious problem because you are usually a cuddling enthusiast.
8. You are no longer physically attracted to them. Personality and intellect should be the two main factors you consider when deciding whether to date someone. Otherwise, it’d be like having a shiny, new toy that doesn’t work. However, if the thought of kissing your significant other is more of a turn-off than it is a turn-on, your relationship has probably started to go south…
9. Their quirks used to charm you. You would giggle each time they pronounced “coffee” with that weird, long vowel sound or swoon whenever they insisted on emptying exactly two packets of Equal into their morning coffee. Now, these once heartwarming habits either frustrate or annoy you. Just drink the coffee black, dammit!!!
10. The only reason you haven’t broken up yet is because neither of you wants to be the person to pull the trigger. But one of you needs to step forward and grab the gun out of Momma Heartbreak’s hands. This can’t go on for much longer. 