27 Definitive Signs You’re A College Student

1. You forgot the last time you went to bed before two in the morning.

2. A two a.m. bedtime now qualifies as an “early” night.

3. Though you had no idea what EDM was a couple years ago, you now know all the words to that one Avicii song that has played at every single party you’ve attended for the last few months.

4. Installing the Self-Control app on your computer was one of the best decisions of your life.

5. Figuring out how to hack the Self-Control app by accessing websites through your Smartphone — or, during moments of true desperation (read: severe Facebook withdrawal), on library computers — was one of the worst.

6. You start to feel weird if you go too long without seeing some dude sporting a Snapback or a girl dressed in Nike shorts and an oversized tee-shirt.

7. Even though you don’t always remember to do your reading, you never forget to check Buzzfeed.

8. Sometimes, you start to wish that you could include your ability to find corgi gifs and your talent for tapping kegs as marketable skills on your resume.

9. When you walk around, you frequently see people you know of but don’t actually know. Because neither of you know what to do when you pass one another, you usually end up looking away.

10. You’ve never actually spoken to the dude who sits three seats to your left in your chemistry class, but you know his name because your roommate — who knows his best friend’s ex-girlfriend’s former roommate — spent a solid ten minutes Facebook stalking him the other day.

11. During the past two months, you’ve called Domino’s and the local sushi place that stays open until four in the morning more than you have your mom.

12. People you know seem to think that exchanging hickeys is still a reasonable form of social interaction.

13. Trying to contact you after midnight on most Thursday, Friday, or Saturday nights is usually a lost cause.

14. You’ve gotten really good at working every last dollar in your bank account.

15. The only thing more nerve-wracking that calling home so you can ask your parents to put more money in your bank account is checking your grades after a midterm.

16. On any given day, you will witness an excessive number of people Snapchatting in public. On particularly lucky days, you get to witness the Duck Face.

17. You frequently test the limits of human capability — for example, seeing how long the average person can subsist off a diet of coffee, Monster, and snack foods or how many days you can go without sleep.

18. You’ve become a master at pre-gaming and post-gaming class with naps.

19.  The last two items you purchased were a six-pack of Milwaukee’s Best and a case of Top Ramen.

20. Measuring someone’s social capital in terms of the number of likes their current Facebook profile picture has is a real phenomenon in the lives of those around you.

21. You frequently feel as though the cashier at the pharmacy near where you live is judging you — especially when you pop in on a Sunday morning.

22. At least once within the past year, you’ve woken up without the slightest recollection of where you last saw your keys, wallet, and/or cell phone.

23. You have seen your friends, female and male, in the nude more times than you’d like.

24. Last Tuesday, you saw a dude who tucked his sweatpants into his Duck Boots and that seemed like a perfectly normal outfit to you.

25. Speaking of sartorial choices, you become incredibly excited when the weather turns cold because it means no one will look at you twice when you walk around in full-on sweats and winter boots.

26. Your phone screen is cracked.

27. When you talk to friends who are a few years older than you and seem to operate as fully functional adults (read: they own K-cup makers and pay their own rent), you begin to feel slightly nauseous.