1. Is he a “gentleman” with an ulterior motive or sincere in his chivalry?

A man you date will wish you good night and say “get home safely.” He’ll genuinely mean these words but you won’t hear from him again until the next time he wants to make plans. A man you’re meant to marry will see to it that you get home by walking you there (with no intention of being invited inside), sharing a cab with you or texting to make you sure you’re safely sitting on your couch.

2. Do family matters terrify or interest him?

A man you date will know nothing about your family—he doesn’t care to ask and knowing about them or meeting them will send him running for the hills. A man you’re meant to marry loves hearing about your family—they’re a part of you, so he’s interested. When he finally does meet them, it seems like the next logical step and he’s up for it.

3. Is he reluctant or enthusiastic to make actual plans?

A man you date will ask you for plans last minute, sniffing out the fact that you’ve been anxious to hear from him. A man you’re meant to marry will make firm, scheduled plans. He wants to make sure he’ll see you and he’ll have some idea of a plan for where to go.

4. Are you one of many women, or the only one he’s dating?

Numerous women will contact a man you date—at all hours of the day and night, even when you’re out with him. You are fairly confident that after your date ends, a man you date will likely be talking to another female or two to finish off the evening. The man you’re meant to marry will be clear about whether he’s dating other women or not. Once you make the decision to be exclusive, any strange phone numbers will disappear from your man’s phone and you’ll feel confident he’s not waiting until you’re gone to contact anyone else.

5. Is he a dreamer or a man of action?

A man you date likes to dream. He talks about the kind of life he wants to have, the kind of person he wants to be. The kind of future he pictures himself having one day. The man you’re meant to marry is already the man he wants to be. He’s living that future today. He’s happy with himself and he’s doing the things he’s always wanted to do. Most importantly, he’s excited about a future that includes you in it.

6. Is he elusive or punctual?

A man you date shows up late for plans without any good excuse. He frequently cancels last minute or can’t commit to a future date without feeling like you’re wrestling an alligator to get a straight answer out of him. The man you’re meant to marry shows up for you every time. You can rely on him because you’re his priority.

7. Are his acts of kindness mostly empty or meaningful?

A man you date will show up to your home with roses—because he wants to have sex with you. The man you’re meant to marry will bring you a pint of Ben & Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of pretzels because it’s an amazing combination of sweet with salty (just like him. Flowers die anyway.

8. Is he scared or eager to commit?

A man you date is hesitant to call you his girlfriend. He’s affectionate and sweet with you when you’re one on one, but won’t hold your hand in public or talk about going away together. A man you’re meant to marry is all about making plans with you and once he’s committed, he’s all in, booking you up for months into the future.

9. Are his flaws just rudeness masquerading as quirks, or are they the right kind of wrong?

A man you date is too stubborn, too cynical, too quirky, too lazy, too immature or just has “issues.” A man you’re meant to marry is all these things, but in the exact dosages to make him charming and compatible with your own issues.

10. Is he a man of extremes or balance?

A man you date is someone you’re either pining for or is smothering you to no end. The man you marry is a hot best friend whom you find yourself itching to be with but who’s available and attainable for a sustaining relationship.

11. Is he selfish or selfless?

A man you date looks out for himself first, you after. His conversations, plans and gestures are primarily designed to benefit his own interests. He cares about you, kind of like he cares about his favorite baseball cap, but you’ll never be someone he’s willing to move mountains for. The man you’re meant to marry looks out for your best interests, even when you tell him that you’re happy with how things are going already. He’s not comfortable with taking advantage of you or anyone else. He’s not that guy. He’s your guy.

12. Does he leave you hanging or follow up?

A man you date keeps you wondering when you’ll see him again after a great night out. He’ll have you check your phone repeatedly and leave you with false hope and weeks go by during which you haven’t heard from him. He’ll turn up when you least expect it and make it seem like you’re a stage-five clinger for being upset that it’s taken him three weeks to get in touch again. The man you’re meant to marry will never make you sweat it out for long. He’s consistent and you’ll hear from him because he knows he’s interested in you and has no interest in playing games.

13. Is he evasive about your relationship status or enthusiastic about exclusivity?

A man you date is dating you and five other women at the same time. You’re his Tuesday night special and back-up plan for Friday. He says that he “could be very into you,” but you have no idea whether he’s sincere and his use of the future tense is actually pretty insulting. The man you’re meant to marry knows what he wants already. He doesn’t need to date six people at the same time because juggling multiple women is more stressful than thrilling to him. He’s interested in being with you and only you.