Have you ever felt like you were too much?
Today I sat down to journal, and the prompt was about the first time in my life where I didn’t feel like enough. And what came to me immediately was the feeling of being too much. Too emotional. Too vulnerable. Too honest. Too imaginative.
I thought of all the times I held myself back, settled for less, and conceded prematurely because I was self-conscious about, well, everything. And I thought about how that fear of being too much kept me from recognizing that my too-much-ness was actually part of my purpose.
Over time, I realized there’s no such thing as being too much, and that I had to look to the people and the spaces that didn’t just accept me or make room for me but loved me wholly.
I realized that I do not need to make myself small to fit in, because that means those spaces were not big enough for me.
I realized that I do not need to settle or lower my expectations for love, because real love will exceed even my wildest dreams.
I realized that I do not need to change who I am to connect with others, because the right connections will be their whole selves too.
I realized that I do not need to worry if my story fits in with the rest of the world, because I am the author of my own life.
I realized that I do not need to stay on a predetermined path, because my path is a mix of side streets and dirt roads that lead who knows where.
I realized that I do not need to apologize for my bursting heart, because it is my heart that makes me all that I am and all that I am to become.
I realized that I do not need to tame my desires or dull my goals, because it’s thanks to my big dreams that I’ve been able to make big moves.
I realized that I am neither too much nor enough. I am exactly as I am meant to be, and I want you to know that if you’ve ever felt like too much, you are allowed to expect more of the world to meet you at your level of enoughness.
You are worthy of that, love.