Relationships—whether they are meant to last, meant to rip you open, or meant to teach you an invaluable lesson—fucking suck sometimes.
They involve such a delicate balance, such a tumultuous mindset, that it’s never really clear which decision you should make. Do you stay or go? Is this it forever or just the thing for right now? I believe these decisions can only come from a mutual agreement between your head and your heart. But how do you know and which do you listen to?
When your head speaks, it tells you all the things you need to hear. It gives you logic, gives you reason, and gives you a foundation for the decisions you need to make. It helps you understand why you do the things you do and how you need to do them. Your head is likely not your favorite voice to listen to. It’s boring and straightforward and, frankly, kind of rude sometimes.
Your heart, however, is another beast entirely. It’s not as straightforward, and it really fucks with your head occasionally. It convinces you you’re thinking things that you might not be. It tells you to leap when you really need to stand firm. Though I believe the heart has good intentions, its inability to process is its Achilles Heel. Your heart is a beating verb, an action in its purest form, and it will not stop unless your head truly takes over and makes it.
Though your head might fully view a situation more clearly, your heart tends to win the argument. Logic sounds impressive, but emotions will always get the better of you.
Should we allow that to be the case?
I truly believe there has to be a balance. There has to be an agreement between the two in order for a relationship to function in the healthiest form. If your insides are consistently at war over the same relationship questions, what does that tell you?
It tells you that your head knows what you need and your heart knows what you want. It tells you that if the two can’t agree, no matter how hard you try, this is the thing to walk away from. Your head and your heart know each other—physically speaking, they are quite close—and they have to be able to agree on some things.
I’m not saying it will always feel like an internal calm between the two, but there has to be some harmony there. There might not be internal harmony in your current relationship, and you have to take a thorough look at that.
Your head might tell you that this is the logical person for you, and your heart might feel something else. Or your heart may feel that this is the one, but your head knows that better is out there. Either way, if they can never agree, you might need to plan your exit strategy.
Our heads and our hearts are built to help us, made to guide us in these decisions. But if you’re always miserable because you can’t get the two to agree, you need to have an honest discussion with yourself as to why that is.
In terms of moving forward, they won’t always get along. But there will be relationships and situations in which they do. When you find yourself in a relationship where they are at least able to compromise, that’s when you know it might be worth it to stick around for a bit.
If you’re having trouble deciding which one to listen to, my advice is this: both. Give your head the space to reason it out, but give your heart the freedom to feel what it does. Just make sure they are able to find a middle ground. If you can do that, you’re good to go for a while.
But if your insides are always arguing, if the stress is continuously pooling down in your belly, you need to walk away—for your own safety.
Your head and your heart are meant to help you, not hurt you. Make sure you are in a relationship where they have the space to do that. Trust yourself, because deep down, you already know what you need to do.