I never considered myself a relationship person before.
It just wasn’t appealing, the thought of having to surrender some form of independence to somebody else. I thought being in a relationship meant I was eliminating who I was just to please someone else.
Turns out, sometimes you do end up doing just that. But in a healthy relationship, when it is at its peak, it is more like shifting bits and parts of yourself to fit someone else’s needs, all the while understanding that they’ll do the same for you when you need it.
Turns out, when they are good and healthy, relationships truly can be quite amazing. They can make you a better version of yourself and show you just how big your capacity to care is. Plus, they’re just downright fun sometimes. Having someone to laugh and cry and yell and grow with is amazing and confusing and wonderful.
After the last one ended, I wasn’t sure where I would land. Is this something I would want again? If I did, what would it look like? Understand that most things about my last relationship were actually quite ideal, save for a few. This is not to bash what I exited recently, more just to say what I hope the next experience can hold.
Next time, I want to do more things together. Work always got in the way, always became the priority, and that’s not a way to live life. I want to go places with somebody. Explore the world, explore my surroundings, and explore the interests we both have. I want an adventurous soul that inspires me to be fun, someone who encourages that.
I hope the next person is able to voice what is going on in their mind. I want them to feel as if communication with me is the easiest thing and know that I care enough to hear what they have to say. I want fluid understandings of each others’ needs, openness in all areas, with an underlying sense of compassion behind all words spoken or unspoken.
I’m excited for someone who sees all the things I could be and all the things I already am. I feel quite confident about the woman I’ve grown to be; I don’t feel the need to ‘find myself’ anymore, and I want someone to match that.
It doesn’t have to be life changing, but I want a sense of magic. That ecstatic shock that pulls you toward someone and instantaneously jolts through your whole body when you see them, I want that. They don’t have to be the world’s version of magic, just mine. And I want to encourage them to see that.
I want someone whose independence I can trust and who encourages that sense of freedom in me as well. Though I crave that investment piece and I want that time together, I also think celebrating time apart can be vital. If you don’t know who you are without them, how could you ever be something with them?
I’m excited for something new and different. Though entering into another real and legitimate relationship sounds terrifying right now, it also sounds exhilarating and full of promise.
It sounds like an opportunity for change and growth and a fresh start with someone else entirely, and that is what I am excited for. Who knows the person I could become or the things I could learn this time.
I’m willing to try and find out.