10 Crucial Lessons Your Almost Relationship Can Teach You

Maybe Modern Dating Isn’t The Problem (But You Might Be)

We complain non-stop about how modern dating is a total shit show. But I don’t agree. Maybe modern dating isn’t really the problem.

Maybe you are. 

Maybe you’re losing hope?

And I get it. Trust me, I do. There was a time when I struggled to believe too. Sometimes, all the optimism in the world isn’t enough to fix a battered and bruised heart. Sometimes it’s hard to believe it when they tell you everything happens for a reason. Everyone who enters our life will either be a blessing or a lesson, but sometimes the lesson feels like nothing but a cruel joke at our expense. We hope, and we hope a little harder. He’s on his way, maybe he just got stuck in some really bad traffic… But then we finally mend, and re-open our heart, and someone tramples all over it again. And it gets harder and harder every time.

Maybe you’re losing hope. But remain hopeful.

Maybe you don’t believe true love exists?

And why would you? All we see is lying, cheating, and hearts splattering. No one is honest about their feelings. Nobody is real anymore. Everyone has an agenda. So many games are being played. Options are kept wide open, because we’re all looking for the next best thing to walk into our lives. And we fail to see the beauty that we have standing right in front of us, waiting patiently for us to wake the fuck up and love them back. Relationships seem to fall apart more than they stay together. And who can argue with those odds? Who is brave enough to believe that they are the exception, when their fate rests entirely in the hands of someone they barely know?

Maybe you’re struggling to believe true love exists? But please, don’t stop believing.

Maybe you’re afraid?

Afraid to put yourself out there. Afraid to lay your heart out on the line. Afraid to be vulnerable. Afraid to say how you feel. Afraid of rejection. Afraid to be the one who loves more. Maybe afraid doesn’t even begin to cover it. But just like in life, and fortune; love will always favour the brave. A forever kind of love will only be drawn to those who are open and willing to trust in the best kept magic of the universe. And to those who believe that no matter what, everything will work itself out in the end. Because life has a funny way of giving us exactly what we need at the right time, even if we fail to see it while it’s happening.

Maybe you’re afraid? But facing your fears is how you grow.

Maybe you forgot to fall in love with yourself first? 

Maybe someone told you that you aren’t worthy of love. And maybe somewhere along the way, you started to believe them. Maybe you kept looking out into the world, in search of approval, and affection, and self-worth. But you failed to see that all of the above begin and end with you. Maybe you keep looking, but you never seem to find what you’re searching for, because what you believe you need from somebody else, lies patiently within you. Maybe you’re struggling to trust, and commit, and love somebody else, because you haven’t discovered how to love yourself just yet.

Maybe you forgot to fall in love with yourself first? But I promise you, it’s not too late.

Maybe you think your expectations are too high?

Maybe you’re asking for far too much. Because Prince Charming only exists in the books you read as a little child. Maybe you look around, and all you can see are happy couples who are madly crushed out on each other. But maybe your eyes are choosing what they want to see from that picture. Maybe you expect more than anybody can give. Maybe you’re holding out for a seemingly perfect kind of love, when all that exists are varying shades of imperfection. You don’t hang around in relationships that don’t match the standards you hold highly for yourself. Maybe you’d much rather stay single, than be with someone who makes you feel even lonelier.

Maybe you think your expectations are too high? But beautiful, I want you to realise you’re worth so, so much more than settling for less. More than you can even begin to imagine right now.

Maybe you think that modern dating is the problem? But maybe the problem is how you’re choosing to date.

Maybe you keep chasing those who you know, deep down, are emotionally unavailable. Maybe you do it on purpose, so you never have to let your guard down. Maybe you think it’s supposed to be easy. That you’re one swipe away from a fairy-tale ending. Or that you’ll be able to find love, without showing the world who you truly are. Maybe all those Disney movies did a total number on you. Maybe your parents make honest to God love look like it’s the norm, when truth be told, it’s so very special, and we should all be so lucky to find something as pure.

In a world full of maybes; maybe you just need to keep on dating. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Sometimes, all it takes is one book. One book that turns your world upside down. One book that changes your entire life.

Bloom by Shani Jay available here.

About the author

Shani Jayawardena

I hold a mirror to your soul, so you can see how beautiful you are