Review: Prime Video’s ‘Cruel Intentions’ Is Cruelly Boring

When it comes to book adaptations, Prime Video has been on a roll lately with the likes of Cross and Jack Ryan.

The streaming service’s latest effort is a modern adaptation of Pierre Choderlos de Laclos’ Les Liaisons Dangereuses – better known as Cruel Intentions. Naturally, viewers remember the last time this story appeared on screen, thanks to the 1999 film starring Ryan Phillippe, Reese Witherspoon, and Sarah Michelle Gellar. A cult classic dripping in seduction and scandal, many expected the 2024 series to push the boundaries even further since it had the freedom of streaming and eight episodes to tell this tantalizing tale.

Well, it’s best to save those precious hours and not waste a single second on 2024’s Cruel Intentions. The only cruel aspect about this show is how it treats the viewer. Mild spoilers for Cruel Intentions to follow. 

This isn’t ‘Cruel Intentions’ – it’s ‘Gossip Girl’

In terms of the story, the gist is simple: Delta Phi sorority president Caroline Merteuil (Sarah Catherine Hook) encourages her stepbrother, Lucien Belmont (Zac Burgess), to seduce the U.S. Vice President’s daughter, Annie Grover (Savannah Lee Smith), and inspire her to join the sorority. In return, Caroline offers herself up to Lucien as a prize.

Here’s the first problem with Cruel Intentions: The chemistry between all three leads is off. The sexual tension got lost on the way to the set, as it’s told rather than shown and they look like stiff boards around each other. Part of the reason for this is due to the show’s obsession with giving more time to its auxiliary characters and not focusing on building up the dynamic between Caroline, Lucien, and Annie. Subsequently, it turns into every other teen series in the same vein as Gossip Girl where there’s never-ending drama and people flip-flop on their friendships and integrity. Episodes devolve into tail-chasing narratives about the supporting characters and sorority woes – and it doesn’t help that these secondary arcs are chores too.

Burgess’ curly haired Lucien attempts his best impressions of Ryan Phillippe’s Sebastian Valmont, but he comes across as creepy rather than charming. Drawing comparisons to Gossip Girl again, he inhabits all the worst qualities of Chuck Bass – without any of the suaveness of the heir to the Bass empire. It proves to be a major issue in the long run since Lucien is meant to be the focal link between the characters, and his failure to connect brings everything else down with it. For such a sexy story, Lucien’s aura screams more Tim Allen than Timothée Chalamet.

The villain didn’t need a sympathetic backstory

Let’s think back to 1999’s Cruel Intentions and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Kathryn Merteuil. She’s manipulative, conniving, and dreadfully cruel. The Roger Kumble-directed film doesn’t spend too much time unpacking why she is the way she is, apart from the fact that she’s a spoiled mean girl with too much time on her hands and evil intentions in her heart.

Fast-forward to 2024’s Cruel Intentions and Katheryn’s avatar here: Caroline. Yes, she wears the infamous crucifix around her neck and displays a handful of the same abhorrent behaviors, but the show makes a rookie mistake: It tries to give her a sympathetic backstory. It’s entirely unnecessary and weakens the impact of Caroline as an antagonist. Not every villain needs to be given a laundry list of motivations. Sometimes, people do terrible things because they’re bad people – and quite frankly, this show doesn’t possess the deftness or intelligence to psychologically analyze its characters.  

Sarah Catherine Hook’s best moments as Caroline revolve around her concocting schemes and pitting people against each other – not when she has a tear in her eye because she seeks her mother’s approval. Less could have been more powerful in this instance.

‘Cruel Intentions’ is a strong contender for worst show of the year

Remember the Gossip Girl comparisons from earlier? Well, there’s one area where Cruel Intentions differs: It hardly entertains. Gossip Girl falls into the so-bad-it’s-good category and delivers a handful of laughs as Blair Waldorf’s plans blow up in her face. In Cruel Intentions, it’s laborious and tedious to watch, as a viewer can’t help but check how many episodes there are to go as it becomes insufferable. 

The unfortunate truth is this didn’t need to be a series. It could have been a 90-minute movie had it cut out all the fluff and secondary characters. Actually, scratch that. Prime Video’s Cruel Intentions doesn’t provide any compelling reason for its existence at all. Rather watch the 1999 film and its prequel and sequel – which are not great efforts but certainly far better than this cruel mess.