15 Years Ago, Edward Broke Bella’s Heart In ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’ And He Shouldn’t Be Forgiven

The Twilight Saga loves melodrama, and the soppy overdramatics and bloodsucking theatrics ascend to new levels of ridiculousness in 2009’s New Moon.

The Chris Weitz-directed motion picture broods as Robert Pattinson’s Edward Cullen breaks Kristen Stewart’s Bella Swan’s heart and they turn into the whiniest people on Earth as a result of it. Of course, Bella and Edward reunite once more, but boy, oh boy, this movie reaffirms that she chose the wrong guy here.

How in the world is Edward surprised that vampires will be tempted by Bella’s blood?

The immortal Edward Cullen is over 100 years old when he meets Bella. In this time, he’s seen and experienced it all. Well, definitely not everything because he seems uneducated about a vampire’s true nature and lust for blood. While the Cullens adhere to the “vegetarian” diet, it’s no secret they struggle when blood’s around them. In the first Twilight movie, Jasper Hale (Jackson Rathbone) shows how difficult it is for him to not give in to his basic impulses. Heck, even the nomad vampires demonstrate to Edward how all bloodsuckers see Bella as their favorite kind of steak: Rare and juicy.

So, for the love of all things Bram Stoker, please explain why Edward thought it a good idea to celebrate Bella’s birthday in a house full of vampires. New Moon nearly ends as soon as it begins after Bella gets a papercut and Jasper rushes in for a sip. Fortunately, Bella doesn’t get ravaged but Edward turns into Mopeward. He says sayonara to Bella because it’s too dangerous for her to be around him, but here’s the capper: He gaslights her too. He tells her she doesn’t belong in his world. 

Now, not only does he break her heart, but the Cullens also pack up and leave town. It’s such a dramatic move – almost as if he’s getting a restraining order against her and she must stay away from him (on the flip side, Bella also doesn’t catch a hint). Edward isn’t a vampire – he’s a drama llama.

Has Edward not heard of actually checking in?

After Edward breaks up with Bella, she realizes how partaking in dangerous activities help her to see hallucinations of him. Hey, don’t ask questions – Stephenie Meyer wrote this, so just go with it. Alice Cullen (Ashley Greene) gets visions of Bella jumping off a cliff and Edward comes to hear of this, so he presumes the worst and decides he, too, must end his life because this is some twisted version of Romeo and Juliet.

Here’s the problem: What is anyone’s first instinct when they receive bad news? To actually make sure it’s true, right? In New Moon, Edward phones the Swan residence and hears from Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) that Bella’s father, Charlie (Billy Burke), is planning a funeral. Instantly, he jumps to conclusions that it’s Bella’s and smashes his phone – great move, wiseguy. If Edward really cared, why didn’t he go back to Forks, Washington and find out for himself? You know, to see something with his own eyes. Instead, he asks the Volturi to destroy him and when they refuse, he plans to do it himself. 

Also, another aspect that doesn’t make sense here: Alice goes to check on Bella since she knows Edward will be devastated if she’s gone. When Alice sees that Bella’s fine, she sits down and has coffee with her. She doesn’t rush to phone Edward and say: “Hey. Chill, bro. She didn’t jump to her doom.” Something in this movie tells us that vampires aren’t the best communicators in the world.

If they stayed broken up after The Twilight Saga: New Moon, we would have been spared the CGI vampire baby

Bella and Alice stop Edward before he succeeds in his plan. All is forgiven and they’re a couple again. This time, though, Bella asks Edward to make her a vampire. He agrees, but only if she marries him.

Fast-forward a few movies to Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 and Bella gives birth to their daughter, Renesemee. The half-mortal half-vampire baby is brought to life by questionable CGI – presumably by the same people who tried to digitally remove Henry Cavill’s mustache in Justice League and turned him into the human Shrek – and she makes Chucky from Child’s Play look angelic in comparison. It’s a frightening sight and proof that Bella and Edward might have inadvertently created the antichrist.

None of this would have happened if Bella and Edward stayed apart for good in New Moon. His reasons for breaking up with her were silly and flimsy in the first place as he demonstrated how he isn’t the brightest vampire in the Cullen family. Also, doesn’t anyone find it fishy how Alice and Edward rear their heads again once Bella starts getting closer to Jacob? Hmm… Sorry, Twihards, but Edward didn’t deserve Bella’s heart after all he put her through in this movie. He’s as toxic as Ross Geller, but that’s a story for another day.