Scott Muska

You own at least one gingham patterned button-down shirt, probably from either J. Crew, Old Navy, or, your old mainstay, The Gap.

How about we…

Why waste time? I’m 25. The internal clock is ticking. I don’t have time to sit through all that mundane banter.

22. In perfect cadence with every thrust, whisper this in her ear: “You are so much better than my ex. You are so much better than my ex. You are so much better than my ex.”

2. I sent your mom an OkCupid message re: how I felt compelled to contact her on account of both of us listing “bacon” as one of our six things we could not live without.

16. I wish we were snuggling right now :/ :/ :/ :/

She’s, like, totally swamped at work.

I woke up the next morning on a couch in the laundry room, three floors down from where I lived. I was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs.

“Scott,” he says. “I know Bill has been playing every single minute for us for the past year-and-a-half, since right after that fall formal, you know, when he came up to me at the punch bowl and started rubbing my back and said, ‘Why don’t you give me a shot at the title, coach?’ But you know what? You’re going in there the second half. Thing is, though, you can’t tell Bill.”