Just Because Of All That
Just because they’re an important part of your life during an interesting time, because they smile at you a certain way, make you laugh now and then, because every photo of them you’ve ever seen and will see (let’s be honest, you’re still looking as the new ones roll in, somewhat captive to their feed) captures them somewhat adorably mid-laugh, which makes you feel things, just because they want to make love to you often and fuck you sometimes, because they call themselves your boyfriend or girlfriend or partner and you can see and feel the pride they have in saying such a thing out loud and believing that it’s something with staying power, just because they want to kiss you when you come home and maybe build something like a home with you, kiss you goodnight and kiss you good morning, breath agnostic, because they want to comfort you in times of crisis and borderline refuse to let you do so alone even though that might be the only way for you to figure things out or at least try to, because they’ll meet you more than halfway and help clean up the mess you made just getting as far as you can at the time, because you can actually somehow sleep mostly comfortably beside them and you kind of love spending some time in the mornings watching them while they’re still asleep, just because they call you on the shit you need to be called on and let you get away with some of the other stuff, because they have this seemingly strange knack for making you feel better when you’re exploring a new definition of what it’s like to be at your worst, because they sit on the couch with you for hours watching the shows you both love to hate, because they got you that thoughtful gift that once or twice or thrice, like the time they got you that Lil’ Sebastian mug or the “I want to believe” poster for your room or the fucking book of recipes that are all ranch-based, because they don’t care when you switch tenses mid-thought or mid-sentence, because they seemingly should be everything you’ve ever wanted and more, because they pervade your thoughts every day even though they’re no longer a participating part of your life at all — all of that, well, it doesn’t make them “the one.” Because maybe there is no such thing as “the one.” Maybe we should take some semblance of comfort in such a thing not really being a thing.
It’s hard to believe sometimes, but love is not finite.
How quickly we forget as much. Especially when we’re looking back. You can romanticize most things that have already happened if they were in some ways positive and enjoyable and you try hard enough.
What you had was probably great, and to you likely special, but how do you know how special things can get? How special they can become? You may end up out of chances, and things might never get better than they are or were with them, but is there anything worse than a life spent wondering if things could have been better? If there could have been more if you had done something differently, if you hadn’t settled, crass and offensive as that may sound to anyone who is told they were almost settled for?
There’s someone out there for everyone. It just might be time for you to stop trying to find them in the past.
This article was brought to you by PS I Love You. Relationships Now.