I wish I could turn back time, go back and run away from some of my past friendships. I want to go back and tell myself the things that I know now. I’m going to be putting so much effort into things, and it’s going to be given back, right? Friendships are a two-way street, aren’t they? Then why did they all feel so empty and one-sided? That’s what they were. One-sided friendships and do you want to know the truth? It was bullshit. It was total, utter, complete bullshit. It was a waste of time, a waste of energy, a disaster, a giant frustration. I wish I knew a few things before entering these friendships – some of them were obviously going to start as one-sided, though. These people needed a hand up. I didn’t know the entire friendship would be all one-sided though.
1. I wish I knew that they were going to take, take, and take. Not only materialistic things, but they would take up all my time, they took my energy, my emotions, my life. Being in the friendship was confusing at times, I’d feel like I’d done so much through the day, but look back and realize that I’d done very little – but I was exhausted. One-sided friendships tend to suck the life out of people. It’s an annoyance.
2. They weren’t going to be a permanent fixture in my life. When entering a friendship, I want it to last a while. I don’t expect people to talk every single day – most friends don’t, in fact. There’s an inner circle you may talk to more frequently than others, but I never expect anyone to completely peace out. That in itself is bullshit and may tie into point one. They take, take, and take some more.
3. One-sided friendships tend to bring out the worst in people. My temperament was all over the place. I was irritable with people that were undeserving. I was snapping at them, myself, my family, my other friends. Being in a one-sided friendship causes resentment to grow. Not because you think you’re entitled to everything, but you are entitled to respect.
4. On that note, it feels very disrespectful. You’ll question yourself, your sanity sometimes. It’ll cause you to think you’re selfish and you’ll feel guilty at times. Guilty for what, though? Expecting things to go decently? Expecting someone to respect you? You feel guilty any time you’re not able to fix things at the snap of their finger. It’s hell.
5. They’ll have other friends, but you’re not allowed to. It’s more like being a possession than being in a friendship. They become jealous of other things, and they decide that anything that’s yours is theirs. If you make other friends either they have to approve, or they’ll find some way to manipulate you out of it.
6. Where did all my money go? I swear I worked really hard – I worked more hours than usual! Oh, that’s right, I went to lunch with my friend… They didn’t have money for it, though. They said they’d pick up the tab next time though. Wait, I’ve paid the last few times. Maybe I should say something. Oh, no, they did loan me money for that important thing that one time… but they say I owe them for that. I don’t know if this is a war worth fighting, though. Just let it go.
7. My feelings were bound to get hurt, a lot. If I’m ever proud or happy about something in my life it’s going to get dragged down. None of my accomplishments are good enough. Actually, whether it’s an accomplishment or something that’s upsetting me, it’s not valid. Nothing I do is valid unless it revolves around them. They’re always going to upstage you.
8. They’re going to leave. This would be the most important thing that I wish I knew. After investing so much time and energy into someone, caring about them so deeply and wishing they would just give a single fuck about me – it didn’t happen. What happened? I was left. After I had nothing left to give, they were gone. I wish I would have known.
The most important thing I’ve learned from having one-sided friendships, though? I am worthy. I’m worth so much more than just having a one-sided friendship. I deserve to have people that love me the way I love them. I deserve to have a friendship with someone that puts as much energy into the friendship as I do. You deserve a healthy friendship, to be lifted up, to be able to count on your friends. You don’t deserve to be treated poorly. If you feel like you’re in a one-sided friendship, chances are, you’re a caring, loving person. The truth, though? You deserve better.