I’ll openly admit, I am the “no strings attached” type of guy’s worst nightmare. I’m clingy, I’m needy, I’m not the type of person who can just have a hook-up without expecting something. Normally the expectation is friendship because as we all know, relationships take a lot of work. Relationships can be too difficult to follow through with, and it’s easier just to have a friendship most of the time.
When someone says “no strings attached” I can’t help but assume that means they don’t want friendship, they don’t want anything past hooking up. That’s not the type of person I am. I’m the kind of person who wants to know someone before there’s any kind of involvement. I need to know the person I’m with cares, to at least some extent, anyway.
We live in a hook-up culture. I get that. Not all people are looking for only hookups. There are definitely people that are looking for friendship, relationships and everything that comes with them. That’s great! For those people anyway.
Another thing I’ve picked up on from people saying “no strings attached” is that they may be looking for a long term hookup partner. A “fuck buddy” in most terms. They just ignore the “buddy” part of the title. It’s a “booty call.” Gwen Stefani says it in the best of terms, “I ain’t no hollaback girl.”
Think about it in realistic terms. If someone wants everything to be “no strings attached,” there are always going to be strings of some sort. If something happens in which you need the person to step up and act like a real human, they’re not going to be there. The person isn’t going to be there to care about you if you actually have an issue. If someone wants everything to be without strings, they’re not going to treat you like a human, either.
Personally, I don’t see the point in having something that’s no strings attached. Friendship isn’t too much to ask for. Friendship can take maintenance, but it also builds trust, it gives you knowledge of the person, you know what you’re getting into.
I’m not here to shame people that believe in a no strings attached type of situation. Everyone of appropriate age can make their own decisions, and they should be able to make their own choices. The point is, that type of life isn’t for me. Based on social media posts I’ve seen, people looking for a no strings attached situation have a reason for it. They’ve been hurt, they’ve been fucked over a few too many times, and they’ve given up on anything else, at least for the time being.
I’ve had some friends enter a no strings attached situation in hopes of changing the person. That’s not likely to happen. Every once in a great while, it can happen. They can convince the person they’re worth being more than a no strings attached situation. It doesn’t happen often, I’ve seen it happen once or twice, but more often than not, at least one side gets hurt.
There aren’t always reasons they’re looking for it, there may not be a deeper meaning behind what they’re looking for. Sometimes, they just want to have genuine no strings attached situation and that’s that. There’s no shame in that, people should not be made to feel ashamed for their sexual decisions unless they’re causing legitimate harm to another person.
I’m just saying that it’s not the life for me. I want a friendship, I want to trust someone, and genuinely care about them, and I want them to have the same kind of comfort with me. From what I’ve learned, no strings attached rarely works out. One of the parties is going to sprout some strings, and it can become a much more complicated situation than it was ever meant to be.