In a world where swiping right takes precedence over real life interaction, dating can often be a whirlwind of confusion. However, while some aspects aren’t exactly as black and white as they used to be, it is important to remember that some things still are.
As women, when we are conflicted about a situation in a relationship (or while we are still in the “talking” phase), our first instinct is most likely to either mass text our friends to seek advice, and/or to reread the ambiguous texts over and over again as if we are suddenly going to miraculously see things in a new light.
The truth is, sometimes we just need to cut out the wishful thinking once and for all, and to accept things for what they are.
Here are 4 brutally honest truths that girls need to hear while dating:
1. If you’re consistently wondering “what his deal his”, start wondering something else – why you’re still wasting your time.
If a guy is truly into you, he will make that very clear. He won’t disappear here and there, leaving you constantly questioning his intentions.
Over all, it comes down to consistency. If it’s not there, he’s keeping his options open. He definitely thinks you’re attractive, and might even like you – but he’s just not interested enough to invest all of his time in you.
So here’s a little advice: Refrain from dropping everything to meet up with him when he finally hits you up at 2 am. (Aww, he couldn’t sleep without you by his side! So romantic.) By making yourself too available, there’s a good chance he’ll eventually lose interest completely because the thrill of the chase is over.
If he’s keeping you on the backburner, you should be doing the same to him – OR cutting him off completely to find a guy who’s less wishy washy. It’s your call.
2. If you have been casually dating for a while and he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend, it’s probably never going to happen.
If he’s flat out told you that he’s not looking for anything serious, HE’S NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS. Stop thinking that you’re going to persuade him to date you based on your amazing personality/cooking skills/ass.
However, sometimes rather than being honest with you, the guy just kind of avoids the topic as long as humanly possible – and the girl refuses to bring it up herself, out of fear of looking insane. (Valid)
Regardless of whether he’s skirting around the labels or being up front about it, you’re making yourself look dumb by staying with him “part-time.”
That being said, if you’re okay with keeping it casual (and not just pretending to be), then there’s no reason to run for the hills. However, if you’re sick of referring to him as your “sorta kinda boyfriend.. uh, I don’t know what we are right now” type of thing, then it’s time to start talking or stalk walking.
3. He’s not a “bad texter” – he’s just not interested.
We all constantly live on our phones, and there’s no point in denying it. Our generation doesn’t just leave our phones in the
other room and not respond to texts for 7 hours at a time.
Essentially, “Sorry, just saw this!” = “I read your text but didn’t care enough to respond, and then forgot about it completely.”
One time I justified a guy’s shitty texting habits by the fact that he was older, and “older guys don’t text as much.” Um, no. Sure, some guys may be more dependent on their phone than others, but a guy that cares about you will want to communicate with you when you’re not around. Plain and simple.
The same goes for being the excuse of being “too busy.” A guy might have a demanding job that doesn’t exactly give them time to lounge around and text you what they just had for lunch in detail.
However, sending a quick “How was your day?” text takes 2 seconds. It’s the little things.
If you’re the one doing the majority of the initial texting, and his replies are short not sweet, accept that he’s not all that interested in getting know you.
4. Sometimes it’s just about sex – and it’s time to stop convincing yourself otherwise.
“But like…he let me sleep over!” (So most guys kick you to the curb afterward…?)
“He told me I was beautiful.” (Was this before or after he took of your bra?)
“He paid for my drinks all night.” (You don’t say! I couldn’t imagine why he’d do that…_)
Over all, if you’re only Netflix & chillin at his apartment, the relationship is purely physical. You’re not meeting his friends, he’s not being affectionate with you in public, and you know more about each other’s bodies than what each other do for a living.
I hate to break it to you, but you’re not Natalie Portman in “No Strings Attached” and Ashton Kutcher isn’t going to confess his love for you any time now.
We all ultimately want to be in a great relationship, and sometimes it can seem like a never-ending struggle. While we can’t just wave a magic wand and find happiness, we can get closer to that point by being honest with ourselves. Recognize what it is you truly want, and don’t settle for less.
Now go put yourself out there – and by that, I mean finding love at first swipe. God speed, Tinderella.