I have noticed a trend in certain phrases among women regarding their lack of a solid relationship. Before anyone claims that I’m being offensive with the following quotes, let me remind you that I am a woman and I am not excluding myself when making fun of the things that we have the tendency to say. A few of those popular sentiments are:

“Guys suck. I’m just going to be a crazy cat lady haha! #ForeverAlone”

I personally think this cat obsession among single women has run its course, but based on social media it’s still going strong.

“LOL I’m so bad at relationships.”

Do you actually make it to the relationship part though? Or do you just keep getting too sloppily drunk off margaritas on the first date, and then cry about why he didn’t follow up for a second one?

“What’s a boyfriend? I just want to have fun!”

This was normalized in college, but post-grad it’s slightly frowned upon. There’s nothing wrong with turning up once in a while, but when you’re waking up in a dorm room at the age of 31… it’s definitely a cause for concern.

The truth is, it’s often not the fact that you are “cursed” in love. Instead, it’s your own actions that are preventing your desired outcome.

Here are 3 ways you are not actually doomed to be single forever – you’re just ruining every opportunity you get to have something worthwhile:

1. You’re pretending you don’t care, when you clearly do.

So you have a casual thing going with this guy. No labels, no problem – right? Oh so very wrong. Deep down you know you actually do give a sh*t about him, but you don’t want to scare him away. Therefore, you continue to hook up with him and maybe do a few couple things here and there (if you consider breakfast at IHOP a date) but neither of you ever dare to bring up the dreaded question of “what are we?”.

Likely, some disaster will eventually occur where you’ll drunkenly confess your feelings, and they will not be returned. Or you’ll find out he’s talking to another girl on the side (or are YOU the side chick? You wouldn’t know) and that psychotic side of you that you tried so hard to conceal will finally unleash. Either way, the end result will not be pretty.

The truth is, if you’re going to be dishonest about your intentions and still expect him to be 100% committed, that’s on you. Sure, that conversation isn’t the easiest thing to have – but it’s better than looking like the dumb one in the end.

2. You’re still chasing what you can’t have.

If you’re still catching yourself checking up on your ex on social media and torturing yourself reading through old texts, that’s a wakeup call. It doesn’t mean that these feelings you have are going to magically disappear. You’re always going to wonder about him, and he will always hold a special place in your heart. That’s completely okay – as long as you don’t let yourself fall back into it.

Often times, women don’t actually put themselves out there because they are still clinging to the hope that things will work out again with something that is very much over. The sooner you snap out of this delusion, the higher chance you have of finding something better.

3. You expect the fairytale, but you’re no princess.

Often times, the girls that continuously complain that guys are “all after one thing” are the same ones talking to multiple guys at once. The hypocrisy is too real, yet the whining won’t stop.

In addition, there is always chatter about how it’s a double standard that guys are praised for having sex and girls are shamed for it. True, but what about the fact that guys are shamed for being “players” when many girls actually do the same exact thing? (And most of the time, they have a better shot at it too.)

Maybe it’s time to take a step back and look at your own behavior before automatically bashing guys. Cinderella may have lost her shoe, but she didn’t lose her dignity along with it.