This Is When You Know You’ve Found Real Love, Instead Of An Unsustainable ‘Hollywood’ Romance

Couple kissing in front of dark lake
Cristian Newman

There is a vast misconception floating around the universe surrounding the subject of love. It’s a misconception saturated in delusion; oozing with an abundance of childlike oblivion. It’s the type of misbelief which promotes absolute bliss and perpetual happy-endings, reminiscent to a colorful scene out of an impractical Disney film. I know it may be difficult to comprehend, but individuals just don’t automatically break into song every five minutes to express their enthusiasm. Especially during a time when hatred is a staple in our society and equality is a foreign concept.

Every individual has their opinion of what an ideal relationship is supposed to look like.

Thanks to the nonviable world of Hollywood, we’re taught to believe the whole love experience is a candy-coated fantasy, permeated in absolute merriment.

This representation couldn’t be farther from reality. The truth is, relationships can often feel like an endless roller coaster; both chaotic and dizzying. So many of us, myself included, are immensely caught up in finding the “perfect relationship,” and won’t settle for anything less. But it’s within that ideology where we make the mistake.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. It is an urban myth as old as time itself. My boyfriend always says, “love is a choice.” Odd, I know. It took me awhile to understand the weight of that quote. I remember hearing the phrase and mentally rolling my eyes. After all, we have about as much control choosing who we fall in love with as we do controlling the weather. However, there comes a precise moment in every relationship when you begin evaluating your partner’s significance in your life. It’s the stage when the butterflies vanish and the true nature of the relationship begins to surface. Aka, the desolation of the honeymoon phase.

Ultimately, you’re faced with a burdening question. Do you leave at the first sign of change or do you stay and make it work? That’s where my boyfriend’s concept comes into play. Although you cannot help who you fall in love with, you do have the choice in deciding to continue loving them. But what do I know? When it comes to relationships, my outlook on the subject has always remained tainted. I guess I can thank my parents’ divorce for that brutal reality.

Perhaps it was the result of my father abandoning me when I was five, or the influence of the many rom-coms I embarrassingly devoured as a teenager.

Regardless the reason, I promised myself that if love didn’t mirror perfection, I wanted no part of it.

But it wasn’t until I entered into my first serious relationship with my current boyfriend that my outlook began to alter. Throughout the almost two years we’ve been together, I’ve learned a lot. So here’s what I do know. Relationships aren’t always easy. In fact, they’re fucking hard and anyone who says otherwise is either lying or in complete denial.

There are moments when you want to scream and say things you probably shouldn’t. Situations when you become so frustrated, you want to walk away and never look back. But those moments are just a smaller portion of a significantly larger portrait. We are a team and whatever challenges we face, we face them together. Every couple has their issues. After all, relationships weren’t manufactured to be perfect. But it’s within the imperfections where the beauty truly lies. To love someone, really, truly love someone, requires a certain amount of compromise and patience.

It’s being able to love them at their worst and stand by them when life becomes difficult. I’m not saying you should stay in a relationship where fighting is a reoccurring theme and nothing is being resolved. Obviously if your relationship feels like a full-time job, perhaps you should take some time to really consider your options. But if there’s a chance the both of you can work through your differences and meet each other halfway, do it! Give it all you’ve got and fight like hell to make it work. TC mark 

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