(March 21st to April 19th)
You’d be the angry type of stalker. Especially angry if whomever it is that you’re stalking no longer can be reached, seen or tracked. You’d develop an emotional bond towards that person. You’d be very mad if suddenly you lost all contact with your target and you’d have to begin stalking someone new all over again.
(April 20th to May 21st)
You’d be the type of vengeful stalker who learns everything about their target: their addresses, their phone numbers, their friends and aquintances, their passwords and even their sexual habits. After you’ve carefully designed the right infrastructure, you’ll just sit, relax and watch. And in spite of what people might think, no, you wouldn’t do that from a spooky basement, but from the comfort of your own sofa.
(May 22nd to June 21st)
You’d be the cute but fucked up stalker. Say you liked a girl, you’d not only try to befriend her, ask her out several times a day, but also bomb her inbox with links, music you created especially for her, unsolicited texts and gifts, up to the point where she breaks out in a raging tantrum and calls you out in front of everyone you know. Ouch!
(June 22nd to July 22nd)
You’d be a natural born stalker, lurking in the social media shadow, collecting evidence and memorabilia of all your single and coupled exes, sometimes even years after you’ve parted ways, just for the sake of the thrill. You just can’t get enough!
(July 23rd to August 22nd)
You’d make an exhibitionist, vengeful stalker. If someone pissed you off, you’d make sure they know, and that they know for every day of their life. You’d troll them on the internet, bully them at every single social gathering (pretending you were just passing by but oh, shit, I didn’t mean to slip my drink on you – but now that I did I’m just gonna enjoy it), and mostly, make negative PR for them everywhere in town (but not limited to).
(August 23rd to September 22nd)
You’d make the OCD stalker. You’d probably fill your room with random objects or belongings of the person you’re stalking, like their tooth brush, empty wine bottles and other meaningless memorabilia found in their trash.
(September 23rd to October 22nd)
You’d be the anxious stalker. You’d actually be so terrified of being caught that you’d hide in the bushes around a person’s home and lay low for entire hours to avoid being seen. You’d meditate a lot using Headspace and constantly record your notes about the subject on your phone.
(October 23rd to November 22nd)
You’d make a seriously scary stalker. You’d keep records of people you’ve stalked for decades, well preserved in your home office, sometimes even locked in a safe. You’d record footage of your victims for years before deciding to make them into a lengthy compilation and anonymously sending it to the people you’ve stalked.
(November 23rd to December 21st)
You’d be the stalker in denial. To you, curiosity is not a sin, so you’d just love browsing through strangers’ lives the way you’d stain your fingers with every single tester at Sephora. You’d follow people home like Sophie Calle in Venice, jump into conversations with them as if you were just passing around and ultimately try to convince them you should be friends. Kinda scary tho.
(December 22nd to January 20th)
You’d be the shameless stalker. You’d probably gaze at your interest through binoculars day and night, pretending you’re working on an art project of sorts. If they’d confront you, you’d deny it. After all, you’re just there for the unrequited fantasy.
(January 21st to February 18th)
You’d be one hell of a stalker! You’d break into people’s computers, homes and offices with no shame, as discreetly as a stray cat would. You’d try on all their beauty products, their clothes, take selfies in their living room and steal small tokens of your choice, like that La Perla bra or pair of velveteen shoes you’ve always wanted to sport.
(February 19th to March 20th)
You’d be a mysterious stalker. You’d walk around all day after your prospect dressed like an 1970s detective, taking snapshots of them everywhere they go with a tiny pocket camera. Later on, you’d print all the photos and develop a story about their character in your own mind. You’d probably also want to publish them.