The 5 Stages Of Moving In With Your Boyfriend

Stage 2: You Change Your Mind

Two days later you change your mind. You don’t want to move in with your boyfriend. You notice things you didn’t notice before. You notice that he tries to do the dishes but can’t quite clean all of the food off for some strange reason. You notice he has expired food that you’re pretty sure you accidently ate last week. And then there are the unknown questions: Why on earth does one person own four different toothbrushes, all of which need to be replaced? Why are there quarters and dimes and nickels and pennies on the floor, in the cupboards and behind the toilet? Why doesn’t that half-eaten melted sticky tub of ice cream sitting on the kitchen counter bother him as much as it bothers you?

You don’t want to move in with your boyfriend. This was a terrible idea. Why on earth would you give up your independence and your space? You start to cherish the moments you once took for granted, like talking about your boyfriend on the phone with your friends. You miss dancing in your underwear while singing along to Pandora and watching the Bachelorette (which you claimed your roommate had TiVo’d, not you). You can’t do this stuff in front of him. What will you do? You start to hyperventilate when you think about having someone around 24/7. You get in a fight that night because he suggests putting your ping-pong table in storage. The nerve, you think. You find sanctuary in your apartment. Thank god you have your own space. You start to cry because you remember you already turned in your notice to give up your apartment. It’s too late. You’re screwed. You’ll start looking immediately for a new apartment. He doesn’t have enough closet space for your shoes. You hate the L Train. You don’t want to move. You want to live alone forever. Foreeeeverrrrr.


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Ryan Rose

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