The 5 Stages Of Moving In With Your Boyfriend
Why on earth does one person own four different toothbrushes, all of which need to be replaced? Why are there quarters and dimes and nickels and pennies on the floor, in the cupboards and behind the toilet? Why doesn’t that half-eaten melted sticky tub of ice cream sitting on the kitchen counter bother him as…
By Ryan Rose
Stage 1: You Think This Is A Great Idea
When you decide to move in with your boyfriend, you think this is a great idea. He thinks this is a great idea too. It feels like the next step. No big deal, you practically live at each other’s place anyways. You think about how you won’t need two yoga mats and two sets of makeup anymore. This makes you happy. Sure, you always said you wouldn’t live with a guy until you were engaged or married, but this just feels right. He makes you a better person. You’re in love. You’re also sick of lugging that goddamn overnight duffle bag back and forth on the L Train.
You insist on getting a new place together because you read an article somewhere that said it was a terrible idea to move into a man’s apartment. They’re territorial or something. But after looking at apartments for two days, you agree to move into his Williamsburg loft. Fuck apartment shopping. You’d rather be stuck in Times Square with a thousand tourists in that Forever 21 that burns your eyeballs with its fluorescent lights than apartment shop.
You subtly announce that you and your boyfriend are moving in together to your best friend the next day. You anticipate a gasp. She shrieks! You’ve revealed the most exciting gossip for her to share with the rest of the friends in your group. You like being the center of attention. It feels good. You are happy you don’t have to compete with them over hot boys at bars anymore. This is great!