It’s okay that it hurts. You are allowed to feel this way. The pain you are feeling is because he meant that much to you, which is not a bad thing. You allowed yourself to be open, you allowed yourself to choose love over fear. I do not want you to regret your decision because of this pain.
I know you want to revert, to lock yourself away so no one can touch you. You want to hide from everyone, you want to hide from me. I know you are mad at me for letting this happen to you. You tell me I should have been more careful, that I should have known. I am sorry you are going through this and I am sorry that you feel so helpless.
You have always been guarded. A long time ago, you told me this would happen. You warned me that you would become broken.
But when it finally happened, you chose love. You told me it was okay to give you away. You told me that he would keep you safe. You believed that this was where you were meant to be. At the time, it was. You were safe, you were full.
And then he gave you back to me. It did not feel real at first. You were still looking to him for protection, you did not want to come back to me. You wanted to stay right where you were. You were just waiting by a door that had already closed. Looking between your clock and the door, thinking it will open again.
I finally asked you to come home. You were so cold, and scared. I reached for you. You began to cry. I sat with you for hours while you did. I told you that feeling something was better than feeling nothing. “It is my turn to take care of you,” I said. You wiped the tears from your face, nodded slowly, took my hand, and stood up. You decided to come with me.
You did make a mistake. A mistake that many hearts make. You allowed one person to make you full. It was unfair to him, but more importantly, it was unfair to you. Love manifests itself in many forms, not just relationships. You have to allow multiple things to build together to make you full. If you rely on only one, and it leaves, you will be left with nothing.
You aren’t alone. I am here. I just ask you for one favor, I need you to love me as much as you loved him.
When you are ready I will give you away, but next time, I will keep a part of you with me. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for always choosing love over fear. Things will get better, and you will be full again before you know it. Time heals everything.
Just hang here with me, and you will be okay.