When I woke up in the morning, I was reasonably certain that the night before had been a dream. Sure, a really fucked up dream, but a dream nonetheless. I would have let it go at that, too, had I not gotten up and walked into the kitchen, only to discover it was covered with the stupid cat’s dried, coagulated blood.
Oh, shit.
As I stared at the mess my kitchen had become – I was gonna need a metric fuckton of bleach – my phone rang. I reached for it, my hands shaking just a little bit as I wondered if it was my downstairs neighbors, looking for their beloved pet. Instead, it was from the Department of Education, calling to let me know that my latest payment had been received and all of my loans had been paid off.
“Shit,” I said, and hung up the phone.
The whole day went by in a sort of haze. I cleaned up my kitchen, which took a good couple of hours. The rest of the time I spent staring into space, trying to decide what my next wish would be. It didn’t take long for me to choose, but I made sure to work out the details so that when I asked, the product would be perfect.
Sure enough, Oscar showed up around 3 am. This time, I was awake and waiting. He sauntered in through my apartment, and I asked, “Why don’t you come out of the lamp?”
“Can’t get much done in a fucking lamp, now, can I?”
Yeah, okay, that was fair. “I know what I want for my second wish.”
Oscar’s eyes gleamed. “Oh? You liked my work, did you?”
“Very much.”
“All right, well, let’s hear it.”
“I want a woman.”
Oscar nodded as though that was completely expected, and then waved his hand, signaling that I should continue.
“I want a brunette, with long thick hair that’s wavy but not curly. She needs to be 5’6” but I don’t want a fatass, she can’t weigh more than a hundred pounds. Give her double D tits and nice, big eyes. And a nice ass.”
Oscar raised an eyebrow at me.“Do you have any idea how anatomy works?”
“Hey, you said anything I want. Well, that’s what I want.”
He nodded.“Alright. Then I need an eye.”
“An eye?”
“And it’s got to be a human one this time. Try not to ruin it when you’re plucking it out of the socket.”
And, just like that, I was out in the night again, this time armed with a knife and a jar. One measly eye for the broad of my dreams? Yeah, that was a-okay with me.
Unlike the last challenge, I knew exactly how I was going to complete this one. I concealed my tools and headed to the bar down the street.