After Finding Out The Terrifying Truth Behind My Gym I’m Abandoning My New Year’s Resolution

temporalata
temporalata

I’m not fat. Not even a little. Actually, I’m pretty underweight for my height, which is a constant battle with my primary physician who worries about eating disorders, despite the fact that I most certainly do not have one.

No, not fat. But there is a word for what I am. They call it “skinny fat.”

Okay, so what’s skinny fat Well, it’s when someone is skinny like me, and doesn’t gain weight no matter how terribly they eat, but in return they are wildly unhealthy because they eat so poorly. That’s where I was sitting at the beginning of the year.

I’m not stupid; I KNOW that my lifestyles and habits are unhealthy. I don’t exercise. I eat like shit. And, in turn, I’m always sick. I’m always having stomach problems and feeling faint and dizzy. Physically, my life is kind of a nightmare, and I have no one to blame but myself.

So, this year, like many other people, I decided things would be different. I was going to get healthy, goddamn it. I was going to work out. I was going to eat right. And hopefully I’d see an improvement in my health.

So, I did what any other poor sucker does when their life is a mess that they have no idea how to fix it. I made it my New Year’s resolution.

I was in luck, because a new gym had just opened up in my neighborhood and they were giving out discounted memberships for the first hundred or so members. Of course, I signed up immediately. “This is perfect!” I said to myself. “If I’m spending money on a gym membership, it means that I’ll definitely go!” As if that’s ever worked for anyone.

I went to their website to sign up, and as I was perusing their options, I saw something interesting. Personal trainers.

You know, I’d never given much thought to a personal trainer before. I just assumed I wouldn’t need one. It’s not like I was going to be training for the Olympics or anything. I didn’t need to get super buff. I just wanted to feel better.

But it was an ad for their trainers that caught my eye. It read:

“Not sure where to start? Get tips and tools for beginners from our specially-trained personal trainers!”

Well, that definitely applied to me. Now that I was thinking about it, I really didn’t know where to start. What was I going to be doing, anyway? Cardio? Weightlifting? I didn’t know how much I should be doing or how fast or anything like that. As for healthy eating, I had no idea how I was going to tackle that colossal problem. Hey, maybe a trainer could help.

And the best part was that the gym website guaranteed the first month would be free.

Well, in that case, there’s nothing to lose, I thought as I signed myself up for a trainer named George.

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