We both know you don’t want to be exercising right now, so to make you feel better about getting Wendy’s instead of doing Crossfit, here are 20 hilarious tweets about avoiding exercise at all costs.
I exercise so I can feel dead on the outside, too.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) April 3, 2014
I love exercising and taking care of my body, it makes me feel good both physically and mentally. I do this 4 to 5 times a year.
— BrainCum (@BrainCum) March 26, 2014
Do people who say, “Exercise helps me relax” know about not exercising?
— Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) May 24, 2013
Sometimes I think of exercising to relieve stress and then I just get out a brick of cheese.
— Susie Meister (@susie_meister) December 7, 2013
My phone keeps autocorrecting “exercise” to “dreadful idea.”
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) March 24, 2014
Sit-ups are the best exercise because they include the most lying down.
— $pencer (@13spencer) March 27, 2014
Hats off to you, girl running down the street with a 12-pack, for efficiently combining exercise and day drinking.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) March 15, 2014
does balancing my checkbook count as exercise
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 3, 2014
No one is more annoying than happy couples out jogging on weekend mornings when I’m so hungover I can barely take the dog outside to pee.
— Sarah (@thetigersez) March 8, 2014
I’m jealous of skinny people … except for when they’re exercising or eating vegetables.
— Schindizzle (@Schindizzle) November 25, 2013
A lot of guys claim they love boobs but I’ve actually done the hard work of eating and not exercising to grow my own.
— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) November 1, 2013
You burn 77 calories per hour while sleeping. So I’m not “taking a nap”, okay? I’m exercising.
— Jonas Polsky (@JonasPolsky) February 17, 2013
I’m going to start exercising again. For the health benefits, sure, but also for the smugness.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) August 13, 2013
Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
— Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) March 5, 2014
some ppl just walk out their door and run. like not 2 arbys or anything just like they go for a run. wtf
— Conor Tripler (@ConorTripler) September 26, 2012
“What the fuck are we doing” – my legs during recreational jogging
— jon (@senderblock23) January 2, 2014
finally tried the whole “jogging” thing. there are people who do this every day?? for longer than ten minutes???
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) October 6, 2013
Leather jogging pants. Because you hate animals as much as you hate yourself.
— Jaydi Samuels (@JessCallMeJaydi) November 24, 2013
Why can’t a side effect of taking Ambien be sleep exercising?
— MJRiggins (@MJRiggins) March 13, 2013
Looking back I see how optimistic I was to get jogging pants without pockets.
— Justin Furano (@JustinFurano) September 24, 2013
I was out jogging & these little 12yr olds on bikes screamed “SKINNY LITTLE FAGGOT BITCH” and I was like OMG do you really think I’m skinny?
— Elijah Daniel (@aguywithnolife) November 11, 2013