I’m going to be honest with you, I love garbage music. You know those terrible songs that you love, but never put on a playlist because you don’t want them blasting out of your laptop at the wrong time? That’s basically every Spotify playlist that I’ve made. Here’s a few songs that I absolutely love and I have a feeling that you may love them deep down as well.
1. Britney Spears – Toxic
Boom, let’s get some Britney in there right off the bat. Sure she went crazy and shaved her head, then attacked cameramen with an umbrella, but who hasn’t?
2. Britney Spears – Oops!…I Did It Again
Ohhhhh that’s right, two Britney songs back-to-back. That’s how we’re kicking off the list. Maybe you’re wondering if I’m even allowed to put two Britney Spears on one list. Is it legal? Yes. Also, you know very little about the law.
3. BBMak – Back Here
I would describe BBMak as a poor man’s BBMak. I don’t know what those fellas are up to now, but I truly appreciate the acoustic-driven masterpiece that is Back Here.
4. Len – Steal My Sunshine
Do you know any other song where someone spells out the word L-A-T-E-R? I have no idea what this song is about, but I’ll never stop loving it.
5. Trey Songz – Bottoms Up feat. Nicki Minaj
Mr. Steal Your Girl is a really bad nickname because who wants to be friends with that guy? Still though, he was smart enough to get Nicki Minaj involved and she dropped one of her best verses to date.
6. Taylor Swift – I Knew You Were Trouble
Of all the famous people to hate, why is Taylor Swift on your list? Just embrace her and let the non-goat version of this song take you to a better place.
7. Maroon 5 – Payphone
Why does Adam Levine have to use a payphone? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I prefer the version without Wiz Khalifa because his verse has nothing to do with anything else in the song. Did he even read the other lyrics before they started recording?
8. Ace of Base – Don’t Turn Around
The first time I heard Ace of Base was in 1994 in my aunt’s car. It was one of the greatest musical moments of my life and I will always be grateful to my aunt for introducing me to Swedish electro pop.
9. Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love
Aren’t we all just bleeding love, Leona? Aren’t we all?
10. George Michael – Faith
If your karaoke bar doesn’t have an extensive Prince library and Faith by George Michael, I’m calling the police because that’s just repulsive.
11. Celine Dion – All By Myself
Hate on Celine all you want, but if you’re on a road trip by yourself, there is no other artist you want to loudly sing along with than her.
12. 4 Non Blondes – What’s Up?
If you actually walked around all the time screaming, “What’s going on!?” then you may actually be an insane person. Still though, it’s a wonderful song.
13. City High – What Would You Do?
When this song came out, my friend convinced me that the lyrics were, “if your son was at home, crying all alone on the bedroom floor, cause he’s horny.” I know lying on the floor because he’s hungry is very sad, but I have to say, I was quite relieved to learn that the song has nothing to do with horniness.
14. Shaggy – It Wasn’t Me
Who is this idiot friend giving Shaggy the advice of just saying it wasn’t him? He is either the dumbest person alive, or the smartest person on the planet. My money is on dumb.
15. Milli Vanilli – Blame It on the Rain
Ok so technically they weren’t singing any of their songs, but someone was doing it so I can still love those guys, right?
16. Usher – Confessions Part II
This would probably be the worst song you could ever have dedicated to you on the radio. “Here’s an Usher song to Kim from Chris. He says to tell you he’s sorry about the secret family. Enjoy the track!”
17. Jesse McCartney – How Do You Sleep?
I sleep just fine knowing you’re still out there making songs like this with Ludacris.
18. Ashlee Simpson – Pieces of Me
I have no idea what happened to Ashlee Simpson after she got caught lip-syncing on Saturday Night Live, but hey, at least we all know there’s one good recording of the song out there!
19. Rihanna – S&M
Rihanna is the master of making trash songs that you can’t help but love. She could very well be a crazy person, but until I find out for sure, I’ll keep blasting this one.
20. O-Town – All or Nothing
As soon as this song starts, you eyes close and your fists move triumphantly into the air as you sing every last word with a completely unbridled passion. Feel free to quote me on that one.
21. Train – Drops of Jupiter
Do you realize there’s an entire verse that just lists off different types of food? Is anyone aware of this? How is that ok?
22. MC Hammer – Have You Seen Her
This may be the only Hammer song not to be used in a commercial for macaroni and cheese or some sort of multipurpose vacuum attachment. That doesn’t mean it should be locked away. Dedicate it to a loved one who’s gone missing, maybe?
23. Bruno Mars – Locked Out of Heaven
Sure he dresses like a baked potato with bangs, but he’s delightful. Didn’t he get arrested for possession of cocaine a while back? Did he sing his way out of charges? I’m not sure how these things work anymore.
24. Katy Perry – Firework
No one really makes jokes about Katy Perry because deep down we all love her. Keep showing them what you’re worth, Katy. I love you.
25. Backstreet Boys – Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)
This is the most ridiculous music video ever made. I dare you to find a more unaware music video than this one. It makes every Linkin Park video look like the Coen brothers directed it. I still can’t help loving the song, though.