Thought Catalog

40 Twitter Accounts You Need In Your Life in 2014

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Sarah Millican

While everyone in England is well aware of Sarah, Americans may be a little late to the party on one of the funniest comics working today. You should correct that problem immediately.

Mary Charlene

I seriously don’t think there’s anyone on Twitter that is as consistently hilarious as Mary. She’s like a joke making machine. It’s unreal.

Jordan Peele

You know how you watch him basically every night on Key and Peele? Why on earth aren’t you following him on Twitter as well? Get your life together.

Marie Colette

Sometimes Marie will tweet the funniest thing you’ve read all day, and others she’ll tweet something so self-depreciating you’ll wonder if you should call for help. It’s an interesting ride, but one definitely worth taking.

DiGiorno Pizza

There is no other company that has more fun with their social media account than DiGiorno. It’s anything but corporate, as they’ve been known to live tweet everything from NFL games to The Sound of Music.

Conor Tripler

Is he a teen heartthrob? I can’t answer that. Is he hilarious? Yes. That one I can answer. He’ll probably answer the teen heartthrob one for you himself.

Chuuch

I’m 90% sure he’s not an actual owl, but deep down I still cling to that 10% chance he’s really a night dwelling bird. Either way, he’s insanely funny.

Ken Jennings

Remember the guy who dominated on Jeopardy? For some reason he was given the ability to be smarter than us AND funnier than us.

Laura Benanti

I was a fan of Laura on Law & Order: SVU, but she became an absolute superstar with her performance as Elsa in NBC’s The Sound of Music. I’m assuming you didn’t see it, or you’d already be following her.

Demi Adejuylgbe

I could go on and on about how consistently funny he is, but this tweet sums it up quite well:

Andy Levy

Following Andy gives you the ability to find out breaking news, but in the most informative, yet sarcastic way possible. Plus, his ability to turn the table and troll the trolls is delightful.

Rob Whisman

Rob is fresh out of college and living the dream while working at Amazon in Lexington, KY. Ok, it may not be the dream, but Rob finds a way to take the most mundane event in his day and turn it into something hilarious.

Maggie Mull

Maggie finds a way to be hilarious in the subtlest way possible. Her humor is never over-the-top or obnoxious. It’s just the right amount and doesn’t come off abrasive.

Ryan Phillippe

The star of every movie you loved growing up seriously has some fun online. He recently live tweeted his 10 year old kid’s school holiday party and introduced us to a burrizza. I’ll let you find out what that is on your own.

Erin Mallory Long

Erin is a walking encyclopedia for most of your favorite shows, including Friends and The Simpsons. Plus, she’s a great writer who never fails to entertain.

Slash

If you have no other reason to follow arguable THE GREATEST GUITARIST OF ALL TIME, do it for the fact that he has created the greatest emoticon of himself that the world will ever see.

Jake Weisman

He’s one of the funniest comics working in LA today, and his style of comedy translates flawlessly to the internet. Be sure to check out his sketch group, Women, as well.

Rutledge Wood

You may know Rutledge as the host of the American version of Top Gear on the History Channel, but soon you’ll know him for his deep love of Saved by the Bell.

Eli Terry

If you’ve visited UCB in New York there’s a good chance you’ve seen Eli in action. Otherwise, you just have to settle for his amazingly brilliant comedy online with the rest of us.

Yo’ Dough

Take all of your Oreos and throw them in the trash, because Yo’ Dough not only posts pictures of the most amazing cookies you’ve ever seen, they’re also available to purchase! Just be warned, you’ll gain a pound every time you refresh his page.

Joel David Moore

You know the guy you loved in Dodgeball and Avatar? It turns out he’s great on Twitter as well! On a side note, if you haven’t seen Hatchet yet and you’re a fan of horror, go watch it immediately.

Jake Glazier

Jake has a completely unique approach to Twitter. He’s an incredible voice actor, so he’ll take funny tweets others have done and do a dramatic reading of them.

Unfinished Scripts

Gavin Speiller’s idea of writing a page to a fictitious script may not seem like anything special at first, but as soon as you read how brilliant the jokes are in each one, you won’t be able to stop. It’s wonderful.

Lana Berry

If you prefer your baseball news from someone who isn’t a 300lb guy trying to start fights with retired pitchers, you’re in for a treat!

Molly_Kats

Molly doesn’t do any gimmicks or have any sort of Twitter character. Her tweets are simply hilarious observations from her day-to-day life and you’d be silly not to follow her.

Jewel Staite

If you watched Firefly then I don’t need to explain why you should be a fan of Jewel Staite. If you haven’t watched Firefly, I really question your taste in television. She’s always great.

Harley Morenstein

The creator of Epic Meal Time also has one of the most majestic beards you’ve ever seen. I know the combination of a huge beard and cooking don’t normally mesh well together, but if you’ve seen their show, it’s anything but traditional.

Brian Altano

If you want to know what’s happening in the video game world before anyone else, you need to follow Brian, the Executive Editor over at IGN. It also helps that he’s hilarious.

Brian Gaar

Remember that kid who sat in his room and played video games all the time while everyone else went outside to play? Now he’s grown up and one of the funniest people on the internet!

Holidayteam15

A nice little undiscovered gem is this lovely fella from Wisconsin. You may not know his name, but once you follow, you won’t forget his consistently hilarious one liners.

Cee Joyner

I have never seen anyone write so many brilliant jokes about so many different topics, than he does. It’s almost not fair to other joke writers.

Lauren Sivan

If you’re in LA and you have to get up early for work, she’s the one that entertains you on Good Day LA, but the best is when she tweets during her hangovers. Way to suffer for your art, Lauren.

Tyler Oakley

The Superstar of YouTube has managed to create a Twitter account that is so full of joy, it’s impossible to read and not be in a good mood. He’s funny, he’s smart, but most of all, he’s an incredibly nice guy.

James Gunn

One of my all time favorite directors also has one of my favorite accounts on Twitter. If he’s working on a film, you’ll get lots of behind the scenes photos and tidbits of information as well.

Abbi Crutchfield

A lot of funny people are incredibly mean, for some reason. Abbi is the rare combination of being very funny and one of the nicest people you’ll ever have the privilege of interacting with.

Jacy Catlin

He’s absurdly brilliant and never boring. What more could you want in a Twitter account?

Julia Davidovich

It’s not as much about the individual tweet, as much as it is looking at her entire timeline as a whole. Or you could buy your ticket to this completely ridiculous movie she pitched to M. Night Shyamalan that he responded to, for some reason:

Josh Dun

So many musicians have painfully boring accounts filled with nothing but tour dates and retweeted compliments. Josh, who you should know from Twenty One Pilots makes following bands on Twitter fun again.

Scott Weinberg

He’s one of the best movie critics on the Internet and, more importantly, has a deep love for cats.

Bridger Winegar

He won’t flood your timeline, but you’ll look forward to every tweet he posts because they’re all brilliantly funny. If his tweets weren’t enough, his Instagram is equally amazing.

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Poetry that will change you

This is for the women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea. This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls. The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts. This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it. This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence. The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times. This — is for you.

“When Janne has a new poem written, I shut my life down to do nothing but read it, and then when I turn my life back on, everything is better.” — James Altucher

You’ve never read poetry like this before

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