I’ll admit, I keep your picture because it hurts and I like the pain.
Every time I get the urge to call you, miraculously I refrain.
I met you when I was 17.
13 years, now you’re a habit, a routine.
I broke your heart. You broke mine first. I lied to you. You yelled. We broke up. We made up. You proposed. We married. We moved across the country together. We “van-lifed” together. We divorced. We made up. I still have your last name. We move three states over. We start over.
If you were to ask me at age 13 if someday I’d be married and have kids, I would have said no. My mind could not draw up any image that looked like your typical American Dream.
13 is the number of years I’ve known you. 2 is the number of times I’ve walked out of your life. 100 is the number of texts you sent me that night. 30 are the years that have passed me by.
Expectations. I had none. I can only say that our love holds us together. We are so different. Yet, sometimes when we are together, I forget we are separate people. Our souls have somehow entangled into one.
Love is a strange force. We have realized that our love is beautiful and unique. We have realized how to make the most of our love and still be ourselves. Through a long, unconventional journey, we realized that we can still love each other and give space to live our lives. After many ups and downs, we decided that we were going to be together when we could and still fulfill our dreams. Not everything has to look like we have seen in the majority of the social world. More and more I am seeing couples thriving in relationships with boundaries. Fewer expectations. More respect, encouragement, and space leads to a deeper understanding and love. Who says we can’t have it all?!
”Let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” Expressed by Kahlil Gibran, a poet, artist, and philosopher.
Expect to be different. Expect to be genuine. Expect to have lots of experiences. Expect to be your best self and expect that to always look different.
We both know that the more we are true to what we want and respect that for one another, the happy we both are. That feels good for us.
It no longer hurts when I look at your photograph. I smile. I still rarely call because I’d rather send you sweet love letters in the mail. Our love will never look the same.