These days I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I hate that. The idea that I always remember someone – a stranger, who I don’t even know so well, is so damn distracting. The confusion that I felt, the eerie feeling of questioning many things regarding you was exhausting, to be honest. It has nothing to do with you actually, it has something to do with me.
Maybe you are some kind of a wake up call, who woke me up from some strange dreams I’ve been drowning into for a long time. And there you are, hijacking my brain. But then I realized something which made me relieved. I have made my decision. It is a final decision; I will wait.
For the perfect time, for God to open the curtains of the mysteries its hidden underneath, for the path that God led me to, whatever and wherever it is, and yes, I will wait for you. While you are busy with your own world, your own business and work (literally), I will wait over here patiently. I will wait as well as live the life that I love.
While I wait, I will try to be that person who simply enjoys the sky as it fades into a pinkish pallet color as the sun sets in the west. I will be that person who loves the smell of the rain as its drops touching my bare skin. I will try to see the beauty of failures, rejections, betrayals, and I will try to pick myself up if sadness drown me in its depth.
I will also cherish every moment that I spent with my family; I will cherish the time when I help my mom and dad cook for the dinner, I will listen to my sister’s stories as well as I share mine until it’s 2 o’clock in the morning. I will try to always cherish the beauty of my friends’ laughter, smiles, giggles, and their tears as they share their sadness while I’m only able to give them a simple-long hug. I will try to love myself first, as I struggle to embrace my flaws and get rid of my insecurities. I will try to always be grateful as I look into the reflection in the mirror each morning, and to always realize that I am nothing but a blessed girl. I will try to always remember the Most Merciful, then I will always realize that I am just a speck of dust within this huge galaxy that we live in.
I will also try to bring down my own walls that I’ve built for years to protect myself from pain. I will try to open myself up to new experiences, to build trust within new people, to give positive regards for the people I have just met in the street and to think positively as I still struggle with the fact that life is not always fair. I will try not to take everything too personally, to be more empathetic, tolerant, and to be true to what I feel; as I learn to be a better version of myself.
Maybe later on, we will know whether we are right for each other. But I just want you to know that nobody has ever made me think this way – to be motivated to be someone new, to be a better version of myself – but you. And I hope that it is a good sign, that maybe, just maybe; we are supposed to be aligned.