I thought love looked a lot like this; you meet someone who comes from a totally different world and you try to make it work. Even though their world drives you crazy. Even though their world is nothing like yours. You just make it work and try to be a blooming flower in their infertile soil. But more often than not, two very different worlds collide. More often than not, someone is going to eventually realize that one of these worlds is just unlivable.
I thought this is what love looked like. Acceptance. Understanding. Trying to become a part of someone’s world even though it doesn’t resemble yours at all. And even though I still believe in that, a part of me will always look for a world I could belong to. A world I don’t feel like a stranger in. A world I could understand.
And as much as I want to be the person who immerses herself into someone else’s world, I can’t really do that while I’m still searching for mine.
I can’t be part of a world I don’t see myself living or a world where I can’t be unapologetically myself.
Because when you like apples and I like oranges, our meals will always leave a bitter taste.
When you like rock and I like country, we’ll always be humming a different tune.
When you find meaning in things that sparkle and I find meaning in things that deeply move me, we’ll always shine differently.
And it makes me wonder if this is what love truly looks like or if that’s what we’ve been told.
Shouldn’t love feel like home? Shouldn’t we feel like the other person is our better half? Shouldn’t we in a foolish way, feel like we complete each other?
There shouldn’t be too much bending and compromising, there shouldn’t be too many things to accept or change, there shouldn’t be too many differences because eventually you get lost in that world. Eventually, you pretend that it’s your world too, until you can no longer lie to yourself.
You look in the mirror one day and realize that you don’t even recognize your face anymore, you don’t even recognize your soul.
And maybe I don’t know what love looks like it, but it surely doesn’t look like that.
Because love doesn’t mean finding a world that makes you forget about yours, love doesn’t throw you into a world that makes you feel like you’re not safe or that you’ll never be good enough for it. Love is supposed to show you a better one.
And maybe love looks a lot like this; walking into someone’s world with your world by your side and they don’t crash, they don’t collapse, they don’t fall apart. They blend in together creating a kaleidoscopic masterpiece.