Dear Heart, I’m Sorry For Not Taking Good Care Of You

I’m sorry for not loving you enough. I’m sorry for always putting you through hell expecting you to be happy and calm. I’m sorry for always promising never to hurt you again yet I always fall back on my word. I’m sorry I don’t take care of you as properly as I should.

I’m sorry for being reckless with you. I don’t stop you when I know you’re about to fall into a tricky situation. I don’t warn you when I can see the red flags clearly. I don’t always tell you the truth. I’m sorry if I sometimes feed you the lies you want to hear.

I’m sorry for not learning from my previous mistakes. I’m sorry I keep putting you through the same situation over and over again. I’m sorry for exhausting you and asking you to handle more than you can take. I’m sorry for filling you with heartache and sorrow instead of love and joy. I’m still learning my lessons too and I’m sorry if you have to go through it all with me.

I’m sorry for asking you to settle for a lot less than what you truly desire, a lot less than what you deserve and a lot less than what you truly wish for. I’m sorry for giving you bits and pieces of the love you’re capable of. I’m sorry for putting you in a position where you can’t truly give your all. I’m sorry for all the half-love you’ve received.

I’m sorry for not being real with you. I’m sorry for not protecting you or guarding you the way I should have. I’m sorry for not giving you a beautiful world to live in. I’m sorry you had to endure all of that with me yet you’re still here. You still believe. You still listen to me. You still trust me. You still follow me blindly. And for that, I owe you the world.

And I promise you that the next time I put you on the line, it will be everything you ever truly wished for and more. It will be nothing short of the love you always wanted. It will make up for every little cut and every little crack I caused. I promise it will be the kind of love that heals you. The kind of love that puts you back together and makes you beat like you’ve never been hurt or broken before.

I promise you next time, I won’t give you away so easily. You’ve been patient. You’ve been kind. You’ve been strong. You’ve suffered with me more than anyone ever did and you still have faith in me. And for that, I will not fail you again.

You deserve the world and watch me give it to you. I learned my lesson now. I promise you that the next time I take you on a new journey with me, we’re going home. The home you’ve been searching for. Another heart to resuscitate all the beats that died inside of you. Another heart to fill all the emptiness that surrounds you.

Trust me this time I mean it.  It’s the least I could give you. You’ve been through enough with me and now it’s time for me to make it right again.