You always told me that I’m a tough one, that if anyone can make it out of the storm alive, it’s me. You always believed in me a little too much. You always made me feel invincible even on my weakest days, but today, it’s my turn to return the favor. Today it’s my turn to tell you what you’ve always told me.
Today I want to tell you that I’ve always admired you. I admire your strength that carried us through the toughest battles. I admire your light that led us through the darkest nights. I admire your compassion that forgave us through our worst behaviors. I admire your love that never crumbled when we made you suffer. I admire your smile that gave us hope throughout the saddest moments. I admire you because you do everything I can’t do. You do everything that terrifies me so fearlessly.
Today I want to tell you that I’ve always watched you when you weren’t looking. I watched you rise up after every fall. I watched you fight your toughest battles alone. I watched you ask people to lean on you when you needed someone to lean on. I watched you give all your love away without asking for anything in return. I watched how selfless and patient you were and how you dealt with everything that could break any human being in the most empowering way. I’ve always watched you so I could become, at least, half the person you are today.
Today I want to thank you. For supporting my dreams when you couldn’t understand them. For being there for me when I constantly pushed you away. For accepting me just the way I am; with all my contradictions, with all my faults and all my insecurities. I want to thank you for loving even the darkest parts of me, for silencing my demons, for embracing the pain I put you through. I want to thank you for unconditionally loving me through thick and thin and for pulling me closer every time I pushed you away.
Today I want to tell you that I can only hope. Hope that one day I can make you proud of everything I’ve done. Hope that one day you look at me and say that it was all worth it; the tears, the fights, the ups and downs and the sleepless nights you stayed up worrying about me. I hope that I can meet your expectations and make your rollercoaster ride with me worth it.
I hope that one day you can let me reverse our roles. You finally let me carry you through your burdens, you finally count on my strength when you can’t find your own, you finally count on my love and support when you feel like you don’t have anyone else to run to and I hope that one day you can let me return at least a fraction of your favors, a fraction of your love or a fraction of your kindness.
And I hope this day is today.
Because today, I want to tell you that even if this whole world betrays you, you will always have me. That if things fall apart and you feel like you have to fight your battles alone, that you will always be safe because I’ll be here fighting for you. Fighting alongside you.
I’m good at it. You taught me how.