Thought Catalog

When Relationships Turn Into A Game Of ‘Power’

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frank cordoba

“Don’t give him the power. You should have the power.”

“Don’t be the one who cares more and lose your power.”

“Don’t show too much interest or else you’ll give her the power.”

“Don’t make the first move and lose your power.”

I don’t know how this absurd trend started and when it will stop. When did relationships become a game of power? Why did ‘power’ replace love? And why are we talking about relationships like we’re about to go to war?

I understand that a lot of people are trying to protect themselves from rejection and heartbreak but when we believe that we should always maintain the power in our relationships or with the opposite sex, we’re really losing the essence of love.

Because power is just another facet of the ego and when you love with your ego, not your heart, you’re bound to lose either way.

In my opinion, power is just an illusion. You won’t really look back on your love life and remember the moments that made you feel powerful. If anything, you’ll miss the moments of vulnerability the most. You’ll remember the nights you opened up and the nights you poured your heart out. You’ll remember the moments when you made someone feel loved and the moments you were loved. You’ll remember all the times love healed you when nothing else could.

You won’t remember who texted first or who cared less. You won’t remember all the times you rejected someone or someone rejected you simply because this is not love. These are examples of heartbreak and finding the wrong people but they do not represent the real kind of love.

If you think that having more ‘power’ in your relationship will make it work, think again. Relationships fall apart because of feelings not because of power. They fall apart when the emotional connection is distorted and when the passion is not there anymore. They fall apart when couples start acting like they’re on separate teams instead of being on the same one.

The thing is if you don’t act like a team, there’s no way you could win. And good teams win when they’re united. When they have the same goal. When they have the same dream. When they care about the outcome more than their personal interests. Good teams win when they don’t focus on who is more powerful and focus more on how to make the whole team powerful.

The only powerful relationships are the ones based on balance, understanding, compassion and compromise. Power is just an illusion. Power is bait used to capture those with fragile egos. And if you’re using people and relationships to feel ‘powerful and in control then you’re doing it wrong and ultimately, losing out on love. TC mark

Rania Naim

Writing. Living. Loving. Dreaming. Healing. Evolving.

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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