This year was hard in so many ways but it also could have been worse so I can’t say it was a ‘bad’ year but it definitely had more downs than ups. It had more heart breaks that I expected. It wasn’t the year I hoped for. I actually fell short this year. I didn’t check off all the items on my bucket list like I did last year. For some reason, this year was flat and draining.
But I learned something valuable this year. I learned the lesson that the universe has been trying to teach me all along but I was too stubborn to listen.
This was the year I learned how to depend on myself. This was the year I realized that family doesn’t always mean love, and romance doesn’t always mean forever. This was the year I learned that I better find a way to always make it on my own because my friends won’t help me and my prince charming won’t come save me and my family won’t always be there.
This was the year I learned that I need to get back up because I can’t get lazy and I can’t make temporary decisions anymore because I’m waiting for something else to happen.
This was the year I had to stop waiting. This was the year I learned that I have to work on every little part of myself. This was the year I learned that pain will never leave me alone but I have to learn how to smile. I have to learn how to wake up and find something to look forward to. I have to learn how to walk hand in hand with pain instead of trying to run away from it.
This was the year I learned that healing is not a phase, it’s an ongoing process. It’s a work in progress. It’s something you have to keep doing every day and every night because the pain might resurface and you’ll make the same mistakes again.
You’ll get heartbroken again. Someone you love will disappoint you. You will fail at something you thought you were good at. You won’t always get what you wished for and as long as you’re still alive and breathing, you’ll have to figure out a way to make it — alone.
So nothing major happened this year, nothing extraordinary but this was the year I learned that I’m the only who can heal myself. I’m the only one who can save myself. I’m the only one who can make myself smile when things are going wrong and maybe one day I’ll learn how to make them right, but for now, I’m learning how to live with the wrongs, the mistakes, the disappointments because they won’t just go away. They won’t magically disappear.
This was the year life tried to break me into pieces but instead of asking for help or trying to find answers from people. I looked within. I came up with my own answers. I trusted myself for once, not in my decisions, but in my ability to overcome whatever life decided to throw at me and that made all the difference.