Lately, I’ve been getting into the bad habit of trying to be a different person. A more ‘chill’ person or a cooler person because I realized that not everyone will understand my passion, my sensitivity and my overzealous reactions to mundane things. In a society that labels anyone who’s not cool, calm and collected ‘crazy’ I decided I want to stay away from that label so I attempted more than once to curb my fiery nature to be ‘cool’ and ‘chill’ because I thought I could ‘fake it till I make it.’
After all, it is easier to be chill than it is to be passionate and emotional. And it’s better to be ‘calm’ than ‘crazy.’ But after a while of doing so and after I felt like I was losing my identity to people who were strongly attached to theirs and after I realized that being this new person is still not bringing me the kind of happiness or peace of mind that I’m looking for, I realized that when you change who you are to fit in, it makes you feel even more alone, it makes you feel like a fraud, it makes you feel like you’re losing yourself and you’re not really winning anyone over or getting what you truly want. It’s a lose-lose situation.
The truth is I’d rather be passionate, sensitive and ‘crazy’ and be me than try to be someone else. I’d rather not to be cool, chill and calm if it’s going to bring me temporary people, fleeting happiness and attract a bunch of people who don’t really like me for who I am.
Because I’ve had people who loved and accepted me all my life, I’ve had people who loved my passion, understood my sensitivity and appreciated my overzealous nature. People who are still in my life. Friends who think my heart is the reason why they stayed in my life, colleagues who think my sensitivity and emotions are the reason why I’m thriving in my career and people who thought my overzealous demeanor was charming and magnetic.
And maybe we don’t need to change something if we don’t think it’s wrong. Maybe we don’t need to change it if it’s serving us well. Maybe we don’t need to be part of the majority to feel like we belong. Maybe all we really need is to be better versions of ourselves and the right people will find us and love us for all the right reasons.
Because when you change who you truly are to make someone else happy, you’ll be the one who is dwelling in misery, confusion and you’ll be disappointed in yourself and I’d rather have you disappoint others than disappoint yourself because you will never grow tall if you keep bending over backwards to keep people who wouldn’t even lift a finger for you or be there when you show them who you truly are.
Because you can only act for so long. It’s only a matter of time before the real you finds its way back to you and it’s only a matter of time before you truly miss it and realize that letting it go was a huge mistake. If you want to change, change because you want to, because you feel like you need to, because it’s going to make your life better but please don’t ever change for people, don’t ever let people sway you into believing that there’s something wrong with you just because you feel things differently. Please don’t ever apologize for your feelings.