I’m Becoming Really Good At Hiding My Feelings

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Blame it on society,
blame it on modern dating,
blame it on the city I live in
that doesn’t root for people like me

But I’m becoming so good at hiding things;
like my feelings,
my loneliness and
my love for you.

I smile at the ones who hurt me
and pretend like I didn’t spend days
crying over them,
wanting them to want me back.

I pretend like I’ve already let go
because holding on is weakness,
holding on means you don’t know
the kind of love you deserve.

I act like everyone is just a friend,
I’m not looking for anything more
because wanting more means
pushing away the ones you care about.

So I hide how I feel.
I say I’m happy they’re dating,
I’m happy they found love
as I continue to mend my broken heart.

I pretend that I like loneliness,
that solitude is good for me,
good for my work.
I pretend like I don’t need anyone.

And I keep hiding my pain.
I keep hiding my anger.
I keep hiding everything I want to show,
and everything I want to feel.

I’m becoming really good at seeing you
and making you feel like I forgot you,
making you feel like you were nothing.
I’m acting the scene that comes naturally to you.

I’m becoming really good at leaving,
at lying to people,
at keeping my distance
from everyone I need close by. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

all-the-words-i-should-have-said-composite-promo

Rania Naim

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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