Thought Catalog

This Is How I Plan To Rebuild Everything You Have Destroyed

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Clem Onojeghuo

I’m going to start by polishing all the pieces you polluted with your thoughts, your words and your constant criticism. I’m going to take all these pieces you wanted me to get rid of and find a place for them again. Find a home for them again.

I’m going to spit out all the words that I swallowed to make you happy. I’m going to speak more clearly now. I’m going to be louder than ever. I’m going to be more assertive because I don’t care if you doubt me anymore. I don’t care about how you see me anymore. I’ve always been invisible to you and it’s time to stop fighting for your attention or your love.

I’m going to smile at the things you told me not to smile about. I’m going to love the people you told me were wrong for me. I’m going to take all the bad advice you gave me and do the exact opposite because I realized that you weren’t telling me what’s best for me, you were telling me what’s best for you. It was always about you and now it’s time to do what’s best for me.

I’m going to love all the imperfections you pointed out so accurately. I’m going to stop mocking myself the way you mocked me. I’m going to stop settling for people who don’t treat me right because you taught me that this is what I deserve. You taught me that this is the norm.

I’m going to start loving everything you hated about me. I’m going to start living for me without fearing your existence, your opinion, your judgment or your punishment. The biggest punishment for me was respecting and loving you. It brought me more pain than joy. It brought me more troubles than peace. It destroyed me instead of building me up.

I’m going to calm the storm you started within me. I’m going to believe that I deserve to be happy and loved. I’m going to see all the good things you failed to see in me. I’m going to start taking care of my heart instead of allowing you to break it. I’m going to pick up everything you’ve demolished and use it as a foundation to build myself up again. Without you.

I’m going to start over without you. I’m going to repair everything you damaged because without you, anything is possible. Without you, nothing can stop me. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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