I’ve spent my whole life trying to win people’s approval and win their hearts. I’ve spent my whole life trying to have as many best friends as I can whether by putting them on a pedestal, putting my life on hold and showing up for them whenever they needed me and trusting them blindly with all my darkest secrets.

I think this was my way of proving to them that I’m worthy of their love and their time, that I confide in them, that I put them on a pedestal because I’ve always believed that the more friends you have, the better your life will be and you’ll have a strong backbone when the world weighs you down.

And don’t get me wrong, I still do but I also believe that there’s nothing you couldn’t face when you learn how to hold your hand and be your own best friend. Because only you know what’s best for you, only you know how you’re feeling about a certain situation, only you know how to get over the pain you’re going through.

Your best friends are there to help you but you’re going to be the one who calls the shots, the one makes the hard decisions and deals with their consequences. You’re the only one who’s going to stand up for yourself when you’re being criticized or ridiculed.

Because the truth is your best friends are not around for every interaction, every letdown or every moment you’re faced with something new or terrifying or challenging. They won’t always be available to answer every text or every call on time. They won’t always be in the same city to come get you in the middle of the night. They don’t have a radar that tells them when you’re struggling and they need to be next to you.

They have their own lives, they have their own problems, they have their own issues and they’ll never be able to give you their undivided attention, they’ll only do what they can and sometimes that’s not going to be enough, just like you probably won’t be able to give them all your time and attention either.

At the end of the day, the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn how to be your own best friend because you truly only have yourself. You’re stuck with yourself forever. And no matter how confused or lost you are, no one knows you as well as you know yourself and ultimately no one will know how to be your best friend like you do.

Your best friends make your life better, they make it easier, they make it more delightful but you’re the only one who can make your life fascinating. You’re the only who can make yourself happy. You’re the only who can change your life. Don’t depend on anyone to that for you. You’re capable of being your own best friend. You’re capable of giving yourself the same love and devotion you give your best friends. You just need to try.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.