Unfortunately, It’s Time For My Heart To Kick You Out

I was rooting for you. I was rooting for us. I thought I could still write a happy ending to our story but I realized I’d be fooling myself.

You and I cannot write a happy ending because we’d be so much happier with someone else.

We deserve happier. We deserve more. We deserve a clean relationship with no drama, no history and no trust issues.

I’m done trying to live this comeback story in my head because I’ve been told that this is how all great love stories end. I’m done believing that it’s easier to stick to what’s familiar and comfortable than start over because this is nothing but an illusion I created to justify to myself why I still care. Why I still believe in us when everyone else already gave up.

I’m going to live my biggest fear now, I’m going to kick you out of my heart for good, I’m going to cleanse my heart now and make sure it’s empty. I’m done hosting people who break it or people who infect it.

Because it’s only when you live your biggest fear that you realize that the things that scare you are actually the best for you. That you don’t grow unless you face your fears.

I used to hold on to bad things because I hated loneliness and emptiness. I used to love those who don’t love me because it’s better than not loving anyone. I used to think that when you suffer in love, it’s good suffering, it’s good pain. But that’s just foolish. That’s just naïve. That’s just self-destructive.

Love is not supposed to be painful. Suffering is not always the by-product of love.

I say unfortunately because I really wanted you stay, I really wanted you to prove me wrong, I was hoping you’d be the one and I was hoping I could rewrite our story so that we can give the world hope, but this is not a dream and you’re not an angel.

This is real life and you are human and you are not the one for me.

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.