I Stopped Blaming Myself For Your Inability To Love Me


I stopped questioning myself. I stopped asking myself all these toxic questions about my self-wroth, my looks or my character. I stopped being so hard on myself and magnifying every little flaw. I stopped expecting myself to be perfect so I can feel good enough for you. I’ll always be a work in progress but I’ll always be enough for the one who truly cares.

I stopped comparing myself to your exes; wishing I was a certain color, a certain height or a certain age. I stopped trying so hard to be like them and spent more time trying to be myself, trying to be a better person, trying to be the best for the one who truly deserves me.

I stopped putting you on a pedestal. I stopped thinking you’re flawless. I stopped believing that I should be the only one bending so I could mold myself into being the one you want. I stopped being the victim — letting you break my heart and calling it love.

I stopped letting you ruin love for me. I stopped romanticizing tears and heartbreak. I stopped calling unrequited love a love story.

I stopped trying to go back to the first time we met and wonder what went wrong, I stopped trying to understand why you stopped calling or why you promised something you couldn’t fulfill. I stopped letting you consume my mind and I stopped asking people about you, waiting for them to tell me something that would make me happy, waiting for them to give me the reassurance that you couldn’t give me and waiting for them to tell me not to give up on you.

I gave up on you. And I’m glad I did.

Because I tend to forget about everyone else and everything I’m trying so hard to accomplish and focus on why you can’t see me the way I see you, why I couldn’t steal your heart the way you stole mine and why it’s always one-sided. I tend to take you out of the equation and blame myself for everything. I tend to blame myself for not being good enough for your love or not being the person you’re looking for.

I get it now, I get how people can destroy themselves, I get how people can ruin their lives by focusing only on the person who couldn’t love them back and trying so hard to change that reality. I get it.

We don’t blame ourselves for loving the wrong person, we blame ourselves for why they couldn’t love us back. We trust them with our hearts even though we just met them and we wonder why they couldn’t take care of it and we allow them to convince us that their love will be our triumph, it will be what we need for our own validation, it will be all we need to complete us.

We allow them to make us feel incomplete because we don’t try to stop and look at what they failed to give us, who they failed to be and how incompatible we really were.

I stopped letting you make me feel incomplete. I complete myself.

I stopped waiting for you to make me feel secure. My heart was never going to be safe with you. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.


Rania Naim

Writing. Living. Loving. Dreaming. Healing. Evolving.

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