I hope I don’t like you
because if I do,
I’m going to mess things up
and you might leave.
Because I get nervous
and I stop making sense
when your eyes
look at me.
And then I look back at you
and my eyes give it all away.
There’s nothing for you to question,
you’ll always see the answer clearly.
So if you like a challenge,
it’s going to be over
because you will know
that I already care too much.
You’ll know that you don’t have to
chase me anymore
or play any games.
It’s all over, I’m hooked.
So I’m trying not to like you
because I’m trying to be ‘cool’
so it doesn’t hurt when I miss you.
I’m trying to be like the girls you like.
But you’re making it so hard for me
to act like you don’t matter,
to act like I don’t want more,
to act like I don’t want you.
But I’m scared to push you away
because that’s always the case —
they like me and when I like them back,
So I’m trying to be like those girls,
trying to be still when you’re next to me,
pretend like you’re just a friend
because that’s how you stay.
But then I go home and think of you
and remember that I’m not like them
because they never truly liked you
and I really do.