If I’m Being Honest, I Don’t Like Who I Am When I’m With You

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It’s not me.
I’m not that distant.
I’m not that cold.
I’m not that quiet.

It’s the leftovers of me.
The parts you broke.
The trust you destroyed.
The fear you evoked.

It’s the wall you made me build.
It’s the words that were left unsaid.
It’s the questions I need answers to.
It’s the eyes that no longer believe you.

This is not me.
I’m warm and soft.
I only want to get closer.
I only want to be honest.

But I can’t be myself with you.
You make me look like a fool.
You force me to be extra cautious.
You force me to be guarded.

You make me regret being myself.
You make me hate the things I love.
You make me question what I was sure of.
You make me feel incomplete.

I don’t like myself with you.
But I do like you.
And I can’t be with you.
If I want to be true to myself.

You make me want to quit.
I can’t be like your ex.
I can’t be your dream girl.
I can only be me.

Even if it means quitting you. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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Rania Naim

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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